Books Beyond the Cage

A world is waiting beyond my fingertips,
shaped in ink and paper and other bits
of chemicals, plastics, and pieces of trees,
black shapes flowing across a white landscape with ease.
Forming worlds without measure, beyond count, timeless,
Creating mountains to conquer, our minds made restless.

I surround myself with the words,
Pile up pages on my bed like birds.
spill them over onto my floor,
fill my closet and my drawers.
It still isn't enough, I devour all and crave more
I must fill my heart with mounds of lore.

This one holds tales of princes and kings,
this one has stories of people like you and me.
This one is a classic, that one rather new.
This one is weird, and has sparkly vampires too.
I read them all, caress each page
Skim across time and escape my cage.

For life is short and comes with walls.
Barriers surround us, big and tall.
Whether in the form of money, knowledge, or status,
Our world surrounds us like a lattice.
We are kept imprisoned within our birthright,
And except for books would never know further light.

So I reach for these words that soothe my soul.
They teach that there is more, and it helps fill this hole
that burns within and it flames ever higher,
for though words can lie books are beautiful liars.
I'll sit within the confines, content to look about,
For with these windows to worlds I am happy without.

Hearts Brought Together As One

I am on the compassionate service committee for my singles ward. I remember getting the calling with frustration. Compassionate service? How am I supposed to serve others, I don't even have any friends, I'm the one that needs service! Thankfully, the Lord overlooks selfish thoughts like this and makes you persevere with the work.

One thing that's been brought to my attention is the amount of loneliness that exists within my ward. It's staggering to realize how many girls (I'm sure guys too, but I'm only in charge of girls) are struggling with feelings of loneliness, inadequacy, friendlessness, and general social depression. It's so easy to pick up a phone and connect with someone, message them on Facebook  send them an email, a text, some form of communication. I'm sure we could even do smoke signals if we wanted, but the thing is, we don't.

That's generally what my thoughts are on today. I've been lonely quite frequently over the past year, and I still struggle with loneliness. In my experience, the best way to overcome it is to put yourself out there, to make that first communication. It's scary, and some people may not reach back, but you will be surprised with the way people reach back. So, I want to change that.

One of the best things in my life is having a friend group that meets together frequently, just to hang. It's a given that on certain nights of the week, I will find them at a certain place. I think this is something that everyone needs. A place to call theirs, friends that accept (or at least tolerate) them, and something to do. It speaks volumes for people that are able to accept others into their group of already established friends, I know from experience that it means the world to people.

So, I guess the basis of this is, we need more people who are willing to reach out to others, to include them in their circles. I'm trying to work on that now, and while it may seem a daunting task, it is possible. One of the ten commandments is, "Love thy neighbor as thyself." I'm pretty sure that means, "Be a good friend with those around you. Also bring them chocolate, because that is always appreciated."

Letter From A Missionary

This is the email my family received from my brother Monday morning. This was sent directly from his email address so yes, he purposely wrote this in third person. It was too awesome not to share, so enjoy a Capron-tinted view for a moment :) (I didn't change the grammar or the spelling errors, because it's better as it is)

To whom this my concern,

Your son Elder Capron is a missionary in the Jackson Mississippi Mission and is serving in Boisser in Louisiana.  He is currently being trained by Elder Canaan who has served for 11 months so far on his mission and has trained one other missionary Elder Daniel. Elder Capron has now served about a month so far on his mission and has recieved mail in aboundance on two seperate occations one was in the MTC and the other was this last week were in he recieved severel letters that had been forwarded, he also received a package containing letters and writing material intended to for him to send letters to his family and friends. 

Elder Capron to the eye is healthy he wakes up ever morning and either does a jog around a field which is followed by a series of pushups and situps as well as stretching. He has obtained no physical damage though others or himself, it seems in fact that he is a practitionar in hygeine and is seen to brush his teeth, floss, rinse as well as putting on retainers before bed. Elder Capron also has a habit of writing in his journal the days events, so far he has never missed a day and seems to enjoy writing and recording the events that took place. 

It has been recorded that Elder Capron has grown up in a more cold invironment than most humans are used to, it can be said that Elder Capron has florished in this invironment so it remains to be seen of him if he can over come the shock of a vastly different invirnment that most humans live in. The mental state of Elder Capron is such, He is an unusual person, his companions and district Elders find him a quite and thoughtful person a most humble character to the eye. If they look closer though one can see the true mental state of Elder Capron. Elder Capron is always watchful and is a judger of trust, he gives his trust carfully but when he does he gives his all. What most would find a humbling person you would find in Elder Capron a most proud charater, you would see that he goes around to all people trying to change them to his religious veiws and having them read a book of unknown potenial that could if used correctely have more devestating power than that of a hydrogen bomb. 

He is a quiet person but the reason for that is to not arouse suspicion on him when a prank is fulled on a fellow Elder. Elder Capron is a most zealous believer in his faith which is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, that reason for his belief is unknown but so far all attempts to shake him from his faith have lead to failure. One thing it can be said for Elder Capron and his plans is that he is eagerly awaiting  May 12 to contact it would seem some unknown persons of great influnce and power. He plans to contacts by phone this unknown person and then to institue video contact. It has also been recorded that Elder Capron plans to travel today with other elder to a destination of "Gators and Friends", the reason for this trip is unclear most likely a kind of a relaxing trip for  him. This ends our report, have a pleasant day.

the RM SECURITY 

NOTICE: This email message is for the sole use of the intended recipient(s) and may contain confidential and privileged information. Any unauthorized review, use, disclosure or distribution is prohibited. If you are not the intended recipient, please contact the sender by reply email and destroy all copies of the original message.

The Secrets We Keep

In a conversation two nights ago, I was with a group of friends with the conversation turned to secrets. This came about because while hanging out at a diner, someone (who shall remain nameless) decided to go through my purse. They picked out a letter I'd written to my sister and began to read it aloud. I got really upset at the invasion of privacy, and ended up literally diving across the table to retrieve it. That sparked a discussion of things we don't tell others, and resulted in one of the people at the table announcing that he had no secrets at all, and didn't mind sharing every aspect of his life with anyone else. (He also went on to try and prove that point, which was another interesting conversation, but back to the original subject.)

That got me thinking, what secrets do I hide from people? And why? Why even keep secrets? I'll focus on the why first. I can't speak for others, but I hold people's secrets for them to the extent I'll pretend to know less about them than I really do. I think we all do this to some extent for people we care about. I doubt many of us have secrets that people's lives depend on (thinking James Bond here), but occasionally a secret kept can make a world of difference in social situations. The vice-versa applies as well. I had an ex-boyfriend who demanded that I tell him everything that was going on with me, until I would purposely hold back little stories and information from him just so I could feel like I was a separate identity. I also don't tell people things unless they ask specifically. Not that my life is super-secret, but that I don't like to tell someone something unless they're going to care. I guess I feel that my secrets are gifts that I give once I trust somebody. I know for a fact this applies to others as well.

So, what secrets do I hide? I would ask what secrets people hide in general, but since the thing with secrets is that they are by nature, secret, I only really know my own. After all, once a secret is shared it isn't secret to you anymore. I'd tell you but then I wouldn't have secrets anymore...

Are there things you don't tell anyone? Is it still a secret if you tell certain people but not others? I've found that once you tell one person that you really trust about something, if it's a big enough secret they'll tell someone they trust as well, thinking that it'll be kept secret. That person will tell another, and another, until almost everyone knows. What about secrets that you write down? Those don't stay secret for long, things that are written can be read. If you don't tell anyone, or write it down though, then the secret has to stay inside. Depending on the weight given to the information, that secret may become harmful if you can't let it out.

Perhaps too much weight is given to secrets, I think a big part of keeping secrets so so that we as humans can feel special and unique for having a bit of information no one else has. Is it possible for someone to be so confident in themselves as a person that they don't mind telling someone anything and everything about their lives? The answer to that is yes, but the follow-up question is why? Why would you tell someone everything, assuming that someone is just any random person. Perhaps that's the secret to secrets, tell people who don't care and then they will forget. That way you don't carry the information around, and the secret is safe with someone who has forgotten that they carry it.

I guess the point of this story is that I don't believe that someone can not have secrets, we all have things that we refuse to share, and we all have our own personal reasons for doing so.  I'll tell two small secrets of my own as a reward for making it all the way through this post, and to prove the point.

A little over a year ago I was present when my grandpa passed away at home. I wouldn't trade the experience for anything, but ever since I have been unable to sit in the chair that he died in. It just doesn't seem right to me, although no one else in my family has that problem. I'll also never tell my grandma that secret because I think it would hurt her, as the chair is a special connection to him in her mind.

The second is that whenever Buttercup falls into the quicksand and Westley dives after her, I hold my breath to see if it's actually possible to survive that long without breathing. It is, but I generally don't tell people that for fear they'll think it's stupid. (The Princess Bride :)

So, two secrets, two reasons for keeping them. What secrets do you keep?