My Promise to My Children: The Kind of Mother I Will Be

After writing this, I realized this is a much deeper blog than I usually write. I wanted to publish it though, as I think it's important. Let me know what you think. 

My Promise to My Children

The Kind of Mother I Will Be

I will not set a curfew for my children. Not because I don't care about them, but because I DO care. Because I will teach my children how to check in with me. Because each situation is different, because I'm not going to insist on an 11pm curfew on Prom Night. Because I will trust my children to be intelligent enough to be responsible for their hours. Because I know teenagers need to push limits, and the last one I want to have is one about time, because I understand that without a specific time to be home they will be less likely to need to stay out late pushing an envelope that isn't there. And because I will make damn sure that they know if they're not home at the time they've told me or if they don't check in, I will be calling the police, knocking on doors, and otherwise raising hell until I figure out where they are.

I will read them piles of books. I will take them to the library and teach them that story time is magical. I will introduce them to Harry Potter and Katniss Everdeen and Frodo Baggins and Robert Jordan and George Orwell and David Wong. I have them meet Bill Peet and Dr. Seuss and Roald Dahl. I will never make them read See Spot Run to me. I will teach them about classics and how some of them are bollocks. Because to love books is to love what humans are. Because when you are curled up with a book you can feel infinitely alive. Because reading makes you smarter. Because there are more worlds than you can ever imagine and the only way you can visit is through books. Because imagination will always trump the big screen.

I will make them eat oatmeal for breakfast. I will make them eat spinach and green beans and quinoa and whole wheat. Because there are better things in this world than ketchup and mac & cheese (namely, creme brulee). Because they need to know that nutrition is important and they need to be concerned about what they put in their bodies. I will teach them how to eat the things they don't like, because they need to know how to do this to not hurt their future mother-in-law's feelings (and mine on bad cooking days).

I will make them get a summer job. Because they need to learn to be responsible. Because the only way they will learn about money is by having some. Because I will not give them an allowance. Because I will be working too and will need a break.

I will teach them how to chew with their mouths closed. I will teach them to keep elbows off the table. I will teach them to swallow quietly, not lick fingers or plates. I will teach them not to slurp. Because good manners are the last surviving bits of royalty in our blood and so when they are grandparents they won't be sucking on their fingers and embarrassing their grandchildren. Because they will likely marry someone with the same table manners as them (having driven away any potential suitors with better manners).

I will let them go visit their grandparents for a week without me. Because they need to visit their grandparents and learn how to love them. Because their grandparents are my parents, and will always be wiser than me and have more experience about raising children. Because I will enjoy a week to myself. Because they will enjoy getting spoiled for a week. Because both parties will be glad to return to normal after that time frame.

I will teach them to run. I will teach them to love the thrill of exercise. I will show them how to care for

themselves, how to be fit. Because through running, you can find yourself. Because my children will not be ones that sit on their rears all day and break into a sweat walking from the house to the car. Because the zombie apocalypse might come and they need to be able to run faster than their friends.

I will teach them how to have dreams. I will teach them how to reach for them and support them. I will teach them to be acheiver's. I will teach them to love learning so they can go anywhere they want. I will have dreams and reach for them. Because dreams are the stuff that make life worth living.

I want to be the kind of mother who teaches her daughters about skin care so they don't have to go through the same pain that I did trying to figure it out on their own. I will take them to dermatologists and teach them how to wash twice a day and leave pimples alone. I will show them how to love themselves even on 'bad skin' days by doing that myself. I will understand the crippling fear and shame that comes when your skin is so broken out you don't even want to look people in the eye. I will teach them how milk and sugars can make acne worse, and how gentle olive oil face washes can make it better. I will teach them how to care for their skin. Because I wish my parents had known more about this and hadn't avoided talking to me about it.

I will teach them who Benedict Cumberbatch is. Just because.

I will teach them how to make good choices in music. I will teach them how to have opinions in what they like and dislike. I will teach them that country music can be enjoyed, and that some rap music has a message.  I will teach them to adore indie rock and Weird Al. I will teach them to appreciate more than shallow pop music, and I will dance along with them to the current heartthrobs that are permeating pop airwaves. Because they need to know how not to be swayed by the ever-changing top-40's chart. Because they shouldn't have to wait until they are 40 to learn what good music is. Because to love music is to love life itself.

I will talk to them about sex. I will love them enough not to be embarrassed or cry when they come to me with proof that their bodies are maturing. I will teach them to love their bodies as they grow and change. I will be the kind of mother they can ask those frank and embarrassing questions to. I will not laugh when they ask me what a donkey punch is. I will be the one they aren't afraid to ask so they don't have to learn the hard way from their friends or be confused when their roommates start talking about things. I will not be accepting of loose morals, and I will teach them how to stay true to themselves. Because children need someone who they can trust to talk about these things, otherwise who are they going to turn to?

If I have a son or daughter who is homosexual, I will love them. I won't be a parent who shuts them out, tries to pretend that part of their life doesn't exist. I will love them, accept them, and be there for them. Because in doing this I will be the parent that they need, not the parent that religion or the world or fear says I should be.

I will love my husband. I will marry a spouse who knows how to listen to me, and who will talk to me about the hard things in life. I will choose someone who is gentle, smart, nerdy, and loving. I will marry someone who is strong in the gospel. I will marry 'the nice guy' who knows how to be his own person. Who isn't clingy, but isn't so independent that he doesn't consult me about important things like who we're inviting along on our road trips. I will be true to him and make him happy. Because by loving my husband and choosing someone who makes me happy, I will be showing my children by example how to choose a good spouse.

Most of all, I will love them. Because I'm their mother, and that's what mothers do.

Sunshine

There is a ray of sunshine scattered through the clouds
Oh I can feel, a ray of sunshine is scattered on the ground.
I don't know why I'm dancing or why I smile, forget to frown
But there might be a ray of sunshine scattered through the clouds.

You know they say,
when one door closes another
will come your way
I've been in darkness for so long

I couldn't see
the helping hands, but through the clouds.
The light showed me
right where I belong.

There is a ray of sunshine scattered through the clouds
Oh I can see, a ray of sunshine is scattered on the ground
I realize that I'm dancing and I smile, forget to frown
'Cause there is a ray of sunshine scattered through the clouds.

I thought that I
was destined to walk this path alone
barely getting by
Never to see light it seemed

But suddenly
a ray of sunshine pierced the clouds
leading me
and reignited my dreams.

There is a ray of sunshine scattered through the clouds
Oh I run to a ray of sunshine, scattered on the ground
I know now why I'm dancing and why I smile, forget to frown
Because there is a ray of sunshine, scattered through the clouds

Wish I'd Never Grow Up

I had the opportunity to have my beautiful little sisters and my wonderful big-little brother visit me this weekend. Every time I see any of my family members I'm reminded of how blessed I am to have such a close and wonderful family. With five siblings, so there are six of the 'Capron Kids Clan' in total, it often feels like I just don't have enough time in my life to spend with all of them. I wouldn't trade any of my siblings for the world, and seeing how we are growing up with our varied and wonderful talents has made this life's journey that much more amazing.

Speaking of growing up, I had an interesting talk with my beautiful little sister, Mallory. We've had this particular discussion several times before and we've never reached a good conclusion. Here's pretty much how it goes every time.

Mallory: "I hate getting older."
Me: "Why's that?"
Mallory: "I just don't want to grow up and be old and have problems, I want to be (insert age here, recently it was 19) forever.
Me: "You learn so much more when you get older though, and age is just a number anymore.
Mallory: "It's so scary though, and things aren't going to be the same. Don't you feel that way?"
Me: "Well...yes."

And I run out of things to say. Why are we afraid of getting older? Honestly I'm not the best example on this, nor should I be asked for advice because she's watched me cry on every single one of my birthdays since I was 17 about how I was getting older. My fears stem from having a birthday and not having accomplished the things I want to. Her fears come from worrying that things will change and never be as good as they are now. Both are valid fears, I've learned that trying to dismiss them just makes it worse.

First, my 'birthday cries' are rather traumatic, or actually they have been for several years. When I was 17 my family had just moved from Idaho to Wyoming, I was starting at a new school for my senior year and had  practically no friends. I remember that birthday in particular because I felt so lonely and like life was passing me by while all my friends were moving on without me. When I was 18 it was because I thought I was moving backwards in life, even though I almost had my Associates degree and was playing first violin in the Powder River Symphony Orchestra. I think it's this primal fear that my body was moving forward without my mind and my life was going to be gone and I wouldn't have done any of the great things I'd promised myself I would do. I realize now that 18 is really young to be having those fears, but they were very real. 22 was particularly traumatic. I was at college and I remember getting up, getting to school and thinking I was going to be okay, then breaking down on the greenroom couch and sitting there sobbing for probably 45 minutes while my then-boyfriend kindly, if rather awkwardly, sat with me patting my back and wondering what the heck was going on.

I didn't cry at 24 though.

There's a major reason that I didn't cry on my 24th. During the summer of 23, I told myself that enough was enough, and I was going to take 24 for me. That meant no more conforming to what I thought others wanted me to do, and I would do everything that I wanted to do. In that summer I managed to be in a show, dye my hair pink, work at a haunted house, get into an improv troupe, quit the stupid job I hated, and go back to school. Plans are slightly on hold due to lackage of money and car, but I'm changing that again. I've been working on a book and have a great job coming up in a few weeks. Life is good, and I'm starting to realize that if I move forward myself, it won't feel like life is passing me by.

Second, Mallory's fear that things will change. I'm not her, so I can't say exactly where this fear comes from, but I have an idea. As we get older she's seen Robert and I move out and run into a gamut of problems associated with life in general. She's also an athlete in a sport that favors younger athletes, so she most likely fears losing her ability to do what she loves. She's moved 3 times in the last 4 years with my parents, and mostly due to that she's lost a lot of her friends, who move on when she moves away. Having changes forced on you makes you fear change, and I think she would like to freeze time until everything feels under control. Nobody can do that though, thus the discussion.

Mallory is leaving in two weeks to go on a mission now, and I think this is her way of facing the fears. She has taken control and initiated the change in her life. I honestly was extremely surprised by her choice, but I applaud it. She's leaving a college gymnastic option and putting education on hold to serve the Lord, and I think to get control of life. Maybe in 18 months she and I will be having a different conversation. I hope so.

Life is about change. It's about moving up, moving on, getting older, learning, understanding, and choosing. I still fear getting older, but I'm managing to survive it. I hope to embrace it one day. Hopefully Mallory will too. I think she will, she's smarter and more mature than I am even now, so she probably won't take until 24 to realize that birthdays aren't for crying, but for celebrating the knowledge that has come with another year of growth, and the people that are there to share it with you.

10 Little Habits That Can Destroy Your Brain

You might want to re-examine those little daily habits after reading this list. These are some small but very important things that can have a negative impact on your brain. Read on, hopefully you'll want to change something in your life after you finish!

1. Skipping Breakfast - Many people underestimate breakfast. Not consuming anything in the morning causes a decline in blood sugar levels. This results in a lack of nutrients to the brain. Continuing this habit for too long can cause a decline in brain function over a few years, due to insufficient brain fuel. The best breakfast in the morning is not heavy foods such as burgers, but water and at least glass of fresh fruit juice. I also throw in some protein in the form of an egg and beans! Compact and useful for the body!

10 Little Habits That Can Destroy Your BRAIN

2. Overeating - Too much to eat can harden the blood vessel of the brain that usually leads to the decline of mental powers. This is due to buildup of fatty acids and cholesterol. I bet you didn't know that in addition to affecting the heart, this affects the brain as well! So eat a normal portion. Familiarize yourself with portion sizes so you stop eating before you’re stuffed.

3. Smoking - Cigarettes have a lot of bad effects, everyone already knows this. There’s one more bad effect from cigarettes that you should know. Smoking reduces the size of blood vessels throughout the body. This effect is seen easily in the extremities (fingers and toes being cold) but also affects the brain. With decreased blood flow the human brain can gradually shrink, lose cells, and lose much of the elasticity that allows you to learn and think quickly. One more reason to quit!

4. Consuming Too Much Sugar - Too much sugar intake will prevent the absorption of protein and nutrients in the body and brain. Sugar can override important nutrients and cause a form of malnutrition. This is especially significant with children and teenagers, as this disrupts brain development. Sad to say, but we should probably reduce sugar consumption. (Ahh, chocolate! I must have my chocolate!)

5. Air Pollution - The brain is part of the body absorbs the most oxygen. Too long in a polluted environment makes the brain work inefficiently.

6. Sleep Deprivation - Sleep gives the brain a chance to rest. Frequent sleep deprivation makes the brain cells  die from exhaustion. On the other hand excessive amounts of sleep can make you become lazy and slow. You should sleep 6-8 hours a day for the best benefits.

7. Covering one’s head during sleep - Sleeping with the head covered is a bad habit that can be very dangerous. Carbon dioxide produced by the lungs during sleep can collect in the enclosed space and become concentrated in the brain. Too much CO2 will damage the brain over time.

8. Thinking Too Hard - This might seem kind of weird, but the brain is like a muscle in many ways. When sick, working hard or studying can hinder the effectiveness of the brain. If you're sick, be aware that you can overstress the brain as well as the body and get some much-needed rest! 

9. Lack of Brain Stimulation - Thinking is the best way to train the brain. Again, it's like a muscle in that if you don't use it, you'll lose it! Engage in brain-stimulating activities frequently such as diligent reading, listening to music and playing challenging games such as Chess or Scrabble. Currently, I'm catching up on my books and I'm in an improv group which definitely keeps you on your toes! 

10. Rarely Talking - Quiet people may be considered polite, but you should consider whether you're engaging in conversation or just sitting out so you don't have to think. Once again, use it or lose it! Intellectual conversations have a good effect on the brain. So get out there, socialize, and debate! It'll be fun and good for  your brain!