Eyebrows, or Lack Thereof

So I decided that I was going to get my eyebrows waxed a month ago. I'd never had it done and the girls who did get theirs waxed always looked so polished and gorgeous. So, I took an empty slot with a friend who is going through beauty school. My hair had been quite dry lately due to suddenly deciding to dye it dark and then strip all the color back out, so I also went for a deep conditioning treatment.

The hair treatment was wonderful, I felt like a freaking movie star. I got my hair washed and treated and styled, it was so lovely and my hair could now be the envy of a supermodel mermaid. Look them up, they do exist. Plus I was taught a new way to style my bangs. Life could not be better on that front. On the other side of my head though, it was a different story.

First, the soothing warm wax was applied, and then she gently, if quite firmly, ripped up half my eyebrow hair.
"Dear Lord what have I done?!?!?!!!"
Let me give you a little background. Up until this point I had thought that I had slightly patchy, if rather nice brows. The right one was a little stubby but my brows were nothing to sneeze at. With the new polished but thick brow fashion hitting a high point, I thought a little polishing would slide me right to brow fame. How wrong was I.

Looking at the aftermath in the mirror it wasn't too terrible. A little redness, especially just under the brow, mostly nice shape. A little thin but I could deal. My unfortunately stubby right brow though was now much stubbier. Also my eyebrows seemed farther apart than normal. I didn't understand how, "Oh, now they match perfectly" translated into one long and one short brow. The worst was yet to come though.

That night the area underneath my eyebrows was still rather red, especially in two strips basically right in the middle of the area between the lid and the brow. I applied a cold washcloth, a little neosporin and went to bed. Ah, the last night of lovely dreams. In the morning, two angry red strips stared back at me like second eyebrows that would have looked better on Satan. Apparently my lovely, learning friend had waxed the skin right off, putting me into slight abrasion mode.

So for the next week I fielded questions about my poor eyebrows and dealt with the weird peeling and redness as best I could. My eyebrows looked a little strange but with asymmetrical bangs the asymmetrical brows were not noticeable.

After such a debacle you'd think I would go to a different stylist or at least forgo the brow waxing again. That's where you would be wrong my friend. Four weeks later I decided to repeat the experience.

I thought I would be smart though and said, "please just clean them up, no shaping this time." From what I had read on the internets, this would direct my stylist to remove the weird loose hairs between my eyes and wherever else weird loose hairs grow. On your face. Around your brows. Specifically weird loose brow hairs. Ha, I did not know the enthusiasm that medium-thick, partially regrown brows could release in young stylists.

She showed me the mirror and I nearly screamed "Holy Castiel what are those things?!!!" I now had one upside-down Nike symbol and one kind of nice but definitely shorter and thinner caterpillar. The worst part was, those familiar red second brows were back. I very nicely instead decided to concentrate on what she was doing to my hair. She did a fabulous job, if not for my eyebrows I would have been the the most gorgeous girl in leggings walking down the streets between 5th and 6th south that day. As it was, I couldn't tell if the stares were for my hair, my uneven brows, my second angry brows, or my voluptuous booty. Hey, you're the internet, you can imagine me having a gorgeous booty.

When later close looks in the mirror showed that in certain light my eyes looked bald, (thanks blonde ancestors), I freaked out. Frantic searches of the internet revealed that it could take 2-3 months for full regrowth, and that only expensive brow pencils would fix them to look something close to normal. Asymmetrical bangs could also come to the rescue as well. The stupid second eyebrows were also dramatically different. At least one wasn't as bad as the other. The worse one though was twice as red. Pathetic, I know. I vow though, to never get my brows waxed again. Did just fine on my own with tweezing before, don't need it now. My poor eyebrows.

If you see Satan, please tell him I found his brows. They are on my face. Also if you know anything about eyebrow wigs...let's just say I might be interested.

Benedict Cumberbatch and Haunted Houses

Sunday morning I was lying in graceful repose after a lovely night of scaring unfortunates that happened upon my person. And I started to think, why do I scare people? Can it be helped that they chose to walk into my personal space whilst was minding my own business?
In a dark room?
In costume?
With music and lighting?
And a couple of zombies as backdrops?
They were begging for it; not my fault that a few peed their pants and one couple got so scared they bolted through the exit and into the night... Nope, not my fault at all :) Just to be warned,  I'm one person you never want to encounter in a haunted house.

See! Who could be scared of that adorable face!

Saturday night I learned quite a few things though while performing. Some of them were quite surprising. Here's a few of the things I learned:

1. People treat you with a lot more respect if they think you're a guy.
2. They treat you with even more respect if they think you're about to beat them.
3. Benedict Cumberbatch isn't as smooth in real life as he is in Star Trek, (and is somehow the cooler for it.)
4. I still haven't learned how to keep my voice from being shredded afer 5 hours of screaming at people.


People treat you with a lot more respect if they think you're a guy.
This was interesting to find out. You know, for my entire life I've been a girl. Even my attempts at dressing up like a male are usually given away by my facial bone structure and curves in other places. People just look at me and know that I'm female.
However.....
Saturday night I acheived my best cross-dressing ever. (Note: It's not that I want to be a guy, just that this is really fun to do sometimes :). Nothing lets you know exactly how feminine you are like having a makeup artist try and contour masculine features onto your face! So, I had my eyebrows brought down, a stronger jawline drawn on, contouring to create a male cheekbone, and some other magical makeup stuff to make me look a bit more scary. Then, I put on a suit, tied up my hair and hid it under a hat, and voila!

Meet Durtle, the grave-digger who takes serious selfies...

Okay, so I look like a girl with lines drawn on my face. However, under the lighting in the haunted house I looked like a 16-year old boy pretending to be a creepy old guy. I made my voice all harsh and weird, and when the first people walked through my room I laid into 'em! Best part was when one of them said,
     "Let's go through this door (there were 3 to choose from) that dude seems to know what he's talking about." (emphasis added)
Dude! Guy! It was strangely empowering. The makeup, costume, and most of all voice acting had convinced a few people that I was a guy! Success! I launched into my role with even more enthusiasm.

As a guy, here's what I noticed. People tended to give me more space, as if my personal bubble had become suddenly 2 feet bigger. They listened. They jumped harder when I came after them. Some were genuinely creeped out just by the fact that they couldn't quite tell if I was a guy or girl!
As a girl working in a haunted house, people will walk into your space more unless you are genuinely scary. Some jerks try to mess with you by touching your face, tugging on your clothes, asking for hugs or your phone number. As a 'guy', none of that happened. I had a few girls tell me I was hot, (which was weird) and one girl was like, 'Heey there...'. None of them tried to touch me though, as if I was personally more intimidating and thus deserving of respect.

That's kind of a sad cultural commentary. Not going to get into that but yeah... Sigh, maybe this'll change one day, but at least it's recognizable now.


They treat you with even more respect if they think you're about to beat them.
So, while I giggle to myself about this one, let me explain. I had a cane that night, a lovely shiny metal cane and a lovely, shiny metal coffin that I could hit with the lovely, shiny cane. I had an exquisetly fun time just creating a tremendous racket. Some people came in and wanted to touch the coffin, so I'd let them. Of course, once they were in close I would hit said coffin, making it sound like the occupant was trying to claw his way out. One group in particular I lured in, getting them all to rub the coffin at the same time. Once they were all in really close I whacked the side of the coffin, startling the heck out of them (to the point that a few actually fell down!)

About the fear of beatings = respect, I established to people that I was capable of beating things with the cane, and most of them avoided my space as much as possible. One stupid 15 year old decided to take things a little farther, show off for his friends and whatnot. He started to dance towards me, saying,
'I'mma show this guy who's boss in here'.
So, I took the cane, raised it over my head, and took a few lurching steps towards him. He screamed of course and ran off. People are amazing wimps when it comes to the promise of physical pain.


Benedict Cumberbatch isn't as smooth in real life as he is in Star Trek, (and is somehow the cooler for it.)
Maybe I didn't learn this while working at the haunt, but I did learn it!
Simon Pegg Talks about Benedict Cumberbatch!
Click on said link to YouTube for more information on the subject. Also enjoy a picture of this gorgeous, talented man.

You're welcome :)

I still haven't learned how to keep my voice from being shredded afer 5 hours of screaming at people.
Yeah, It's September, soon to be October. This girl sounds like someone who's been smoking since they were ten, alternated with a prepubescent boy. Squeaky and hoarse all at the same time. Upshot of that though, I sound like a mouse when I'm laughing. Which makes me laugh even harder. Which makes people look at me weird. Which makes me laugh even harder than that. Okay, 'nuff said :)

How to Curl your Eyelashes

This is some very important information that you will need the rest of your life. This is How to Curl your Eyelashes. Please pay attention, because what you read in the next two minutes will be used daily for years, but if you don't learn this, then you will just have to suffer.



To Curl Your Eyelashes
Get a good curler. Seriously, don't go for the most expensive one, but for heaven's sake your eyelashes sake, don't get the cheapo dollar store version. Get a nice one, like the Maybeline or Covergirl eyelash curler with soft rubber edging.

Before applying mascara: take the curler and carefully maneuver your eyelashes between the crimping ends. Go  about 0.1 inches out from your lid, and close the curler firmly. If you pinch your lid, you're too close to the skin and may be pulling out valuable eyelashes. Hold for 10 seconds, then move a little further out and do it again, and again until you have done the length of your upper lashes. Do the right side too (how did I know you did the left side first? Because I'm psychic, duh). You can curl the bottom lashes if you want, just flip the curler around and do the same. Most of us won't need to do this because A. Our lower lashes already lay down along the lid or B. The lower lashes are so short we probably won't be mascaraing them anyway

DON'T curl your lashes after applying mascara. This is popular to do, but it can break your lashes, and clump them together. Mostly it will break your lashes and get your curler all makeupy, and who wants a sticky black curler?

Now, take your mascara, and swiping from the bottom root of your lash to the top, apply the mascara in long, even strokes. Do the top of the lashes, now do the underside again for good measure. Dip the mascara brush once, without pumping, then do the other side. Touch up the outer corners and the bottom lashes for good measure. DONE! You look Fabulous! You can apply as much or as little mascara as you want for different looks, just be sure to Curl Before Mascara. If you remember that rule, then your life is changed forever, and you will be blessed by the Eyelash Fairy!

Enjoy those super-long beautiful lashes!