Chiggers versus Sunburn

How is a sunburn like a chigger? Let me explain.

Recently I received a large-scale sunburn over, well, an unfortunate amount of skin. Really any amount of sunburn is unfortunate,  however this one was particularly unfortunate as it involved all of my limbs with special concentration on my shoulderblades and upper legs. Really it just made it so I couldn't lay down with any sort of comfort. I either had to lie on my stomach and endure burning from my legs, or on my back and endure pain radiating from my shoulders. Fast forward one week, and all that crispy skin is peeling off nicely...and itching like Fred and George spread itching powder over every item of clothing I own. I seriously don't remember ever itching this badly in my life except for the one summer I was 9...

Do you know what a chigger is? I sure do. It's this microscopic little red devil of itchiness. It bites you and burrows into the skin, creating a Mt. Kilimanjaro of discomfort. The only way to get rid of the itching is to kill the suckers while they sleep (as they are related to the tick family, they stay in the skin, itching and itching and itching and itching...for at least two weeks). The only way to do that is to paint your skin with nail polish. Clear is the best, mostly because you look the least weird wearing it. You can use any color, simply paint all your welts with the polish of your choice and that will cease the itching...eventually...takes a day or two.

So, one summer I was 9 years old. Most of us had a summer like that. I mean, you can read now, and are reading this, so you obviously were 9 at one point in your life.

Anyway, I was 9, and for some reason I decided to sit in the tall grass outside my Nebraska home while wearing calf-high socks, elastic waist-banded pants, and several hair-ties around one wrist. Did I mention that chiggers love to bite underneath tight-fitting clothing? Especially sock and underwear lines?

That evening I couldn't rest for the amount of itching. The only nail polish my mother could find was blue, all the clear had been depleted on my several younger siblings and the unfortunate neighbors. She painted me up so I looked like an unfortunate half-smurf, then I laid in bed trying desperately not to gouge chunks of skin from my calves.

That's what this summer reminds me of. A tingling under the skin that begins as a slight tickle. You think that if you ignore it, it'll go away. It's only the vaguest of feelings after all. However, it starts to increase. It gets worse until the tickle has become practically a fester. Your skin is jumping with effort to keep still. You can't think about anything else but how much you itch. All you want to do is drag your fingernails deeply through the pestilence that has now set your skin aflame. Nothing else will satisfy this strange itching and jumping coursing through your skin. The itching is there, it has always been there, and you will always itch.

So, chiggers versus sunburn. I think chiggers win, but sunburn comes in at a close second. You can avoid sunburn after all, and chiggers...well. Let's just say chiggers are the spawn of Satan sent to destroy your sanity through itching.

And now, how many of you itch after reading this? You're welcome.

What My Grandma Thinks

It's nice to know that even through sad times, some things can make you smile.

I got up this morning and was feeling rather sad about Robin Williams. I admired him a great deal and his passing was a shock to me. At breakfast Grandma asked me how I was, and this is how the conversation went from there.

Me: I'm kinda sad today, Robin Williams passed away yesterday.

Grandma: Oh, that's too bad, I'm sorry about that.

Me: Did you know who he was?

Grandma: (gently) He was Batman wasn't he?


#laughingthroughthetears #RobinWilliamsisBatman

And the Michael Bay Award Goes To...

A while ago I had my first encounter with explosions at work. Explosions of an unconventional manner.

Day Shift: So this guy should be good. He hadn't pooped in 5 days before he got here, but he got some stool softeners earlier and then had a huge BM about an hour ago.

Me: *naively* Great!

At about 11pm that night, the call light goes off for that room. I happily walked down the hallway and opened the door to see...an explosion. It was Everywhere.

The bed.

The floor.

The patient.

The walls.

The bathroom.

The patient's mother.

Patient's Mother: I...uh...need a bit of help here.

Me: Well, *whipping out my antibacterial wipes* let's get started.

Two showers, two complete clothing changes, a bed change, a thorough cleaning of the room and bathroom and 45 minutes later, the explosion was contained and all casualties of the explosion were cleaned and back in bed.

Patient's Mother: I guess those stool softeners worked.

#yestheydid

Compliments to the Coworker

I sometimes get to have fun conversations with my patients. One night I was talking with a cute older lady about how she moves from one spot to the other.

Betty White: There's only two of your coworkers that can move my all by themselves.

Me: Who are they?

Betty White: That tall skinny guy in PT, and that other one here. Tall, dark, nice muscles and a few tattoos?

Me: Oh yes, you're talking about The Rock. (*Names changed for comedy purposes)

Betty White: That's right! (Leans in conspiratorially) I made him move my pillows just so I could feel his muscles.

Me: Oh that's....nice?

Betty White: You're darn right, *dreamy sigh* He is a beautiful man.

#thatismynewcatchphrase #he'llneverlivethatdown

Letter From A Missionary

This is the email my family received from my brother Monday morning. This was sent directly from his email address so yes, he purposely wrote this in third person. It was too awesome not to share, so enjoy a Capron-tinted view for a moment :) (I didn't change the grammar or the spelling errors, because it's better as it is)

To whom this my concern,

Your son Elder Capron is a missionary in the Jackson Mississippi Mission and is serving in Boisser in Louisiana.  He is currently being trained by Elder Canaan who has served for 11 months so far on his mission and has trained one other missionary Elder Daniel. Elder Capron has now served about a month so far on his mission and has recieved mail in aboundance on two seperate occations one was in the MTC and the other was this last week were in he recieved severel letters that had been forwarded, he also received a package containing letters and writing material intended to for him to send letters to his family and friends. 

Elder Capron to the eye is healthy he wakes up ever morning and either does a jog around a field which is followed by a series of pushups and situps as well as stretching. He has obtained no physical damage though others or himself, it seems in fact that he is a practitionar in hygeine and is seen to brush his teeth, floss, rinse as well as putting on retainers before bed. Elder Capron also has a habit of writing in his journal the days events, so far he has never missed a day and seems to enjoy writing and recording the events that took place. 

It has been recorded that Elder Capron has grown up in a more cold invironment than most humans are used to, it can be said that Elder Capron has florished in this invironment so it remains to be seen of him if he can over come the shock of a vastly different invirnment that most humans live in. The mental state of Elder Capron is such, He is an unusual person, his companions and district Elders find him a quite and thoughtful person a most humble character to the eye. If they look closer though one can see the true mental state of Elder Capron. Elder Capron is always watchful and is a judger of trust, he gives his trust carfully but when he does he gives his all. What most would find a humbling person you would find in Elder Capron a most proud charater, you would see that he goes around to all people trying to change them to his religious veiws and having them read a book of unknown potenial that could if used correctely have more devestating power than that of a hydrogen bomb. 

He is a quiet person but the reason for that is to not arouse suspicion on him when a prank is fulled on a fellow Elder. Elder Capron is a most zealous believer in his faith which is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, that reason for his belief is unknown but so far all attempts to shake him from his faith have lead to failure. One thing it can be said for Elder Capron and his plans is that he is eagerly awaiting  May 12 to contact it would seem some unknown persons of great influnce and power. He plans to contacts by phone this unknown person and then to institue video contact. It has also been recorded that Elder Capron plans to travel today with other elder to a destination of "Gators and Friends", the reason for this trip is unclear most likely a kind of a relaxing trip for  him. This ends our report, have a pleasant day.

the RM SECURITY 

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