That's Not How You're Supposed To Do It....

Sometimes things get a little hectic at the hospital. I just concentrate on my patients and ensure they are well taken care of. Most of my coworkers are wonderful, intelligent people that truly enjoy the work that they do. Once in awhile I encounter a nurse that makes me wonder how they ever made it through nursing school without a dunce cap on their heads. And then I write a blog about it.

One night I came into a patient's room because their oxygen levels were dropping. I was surprised to find their nasal cannula on and a simple mask set tightly over their mouth and nose. The nasal cannula was set at 4 liters of oxygen (which from a nasal cannula feels like sticking an airbrush up your nose) and the mask wasn't even hooked up to an oxygen tank. I turned the cannula back down to 1 liter (all the patient was cleared for/needed) and hid the mask in the bedside drawer. Then I went in search of answers.

Me: So I found my patient with both a nasal cannula and a mask on.

Nurse: I put the mask on over the cannula.

Me: What? Why?

Nurse: Well, she was breathing with her mouth open and I wanted her to keep it closed.

Me: You know we aren't supposed to do that, just move the cannula down to the mouth so they still get oxygen.

Nurse: I do this all the time, it usually works.

Me: .....

#howdoyouclaimtohavemoretrainingthanme

Compliments to the Coworker

I sometimes get to have fun conversations with my patients. One night I was talking with a cute older lady about how she moves from one spot to the other.

Betty White: There's only two of your coworkers that can move my all by themselves.

Me: Who are they?

Betty White: That tall skinny guy in PT, and that other one here. Tall, dark, nice muscles and a few tattoos?

Me: Oh yes, you're talking about The Rock. (*Names changed for comedy purposes)

Betty White: That's right! (Leans in conspiratorially) I made him move my pillows just so I could feel his muscles.

Me: Oh that's....nice?

Betty White: You're darn right, *dreamy sigh* He is a beautiful man.

#thatismynewcatchphrase #he'llneverlivethatdown

And They Say You Should Be The Smart One

I recently started a job as a Health Care Assistant. It's a long, thankless job that involves a lot of poop, but sometimes nuggets of comedy show up. I wanted to share a short story on idiocy for a moment that I encounter in the workplace.

At work we have a video monitor on which we watch our impulsive patients to make sure they don't pull out IV's or try to get out of bed without help. If a patient does need assistance, we are supposed to send another aide in. One night I was assigned to watch video monitor...

Me: Hey, *New Hire* could you go see room 3? He pulled off his oxygen mask for the trach again. (Not a big deal, but oxygen levels will get low if left off too long)

New Hire: Sure!

Mr. New Hire walks into the room, carefully picks up the mask, and then stares at it as if it were an alien creature. Finally, ignoring the arrows that clearly point "This Way UP", he puts it on upside down. It doesn't fit. Mr. New Hire takes it off, stares at it again, and puts it on...upside down, again.

It is at this point I hear muttered Russian curses from over my shoulder. Our head nurse has noticed Mr. New Hire's idiocy and marches to the room to fix the issue.

Later I had an opportunity to ask Mr. New Hire about it.

Me: So...have your worked as an aide before?

Mr. New Hire: Oh yes, I think that I was very good and that is why I got hired here.

Me: Uh Huh, so are you going to school for this?

Mr. New Hire: Yes, I am in the nursing program and I will be a great nurse one day

#ifyoudon'tkillyourpatientsfirst