Night Shifts and Loneliness

So it's been a while since I've posted with any regularity. I could cite business, but that's the excuse that everyone uses. So, let's see. I've moved to a new apartment, begun new dance classes, am working on a promotion at work, and am faced with hours and hours of nighttime awakeness.

It's really lonely being awake while everyone else is asleep. You have all this time to think and do things,..but only if you do them by yourself. No classes at night, no texting conversations or even phone conversations, no shopping at the mall. You have to prepare everything in those few hours while you're awake and the world is still awake. It's really lonely, and I'm ready for a change.

7 months of this nighttime job has now officially changed my internal clock to wanting to sleep between 8am and 4pm. It's annoying because I have all this time to be awake and I mostly just want to be talking to people. You know, visiting with family, hanging with friends, and especially being with my boyfriend. You can't do that though during the wee hours of the morning. You can only work on personal projects, like Netflix.

I guess in a word, I'm lonely. Wish I didn't have all these empty hours to fill.

48 Hours Without Sleep

"People die in bed, get up!"
-Grandpa Capron

Sleep is for those who can afford it. Ever tried to stay awake for 2 days straight? I did! Because I'm still amped on all the extra cortisol my brain produced, here is a chronicle of how it feels to do such ridiculous stuff as not sleep. I will say I have truly felt each moment, and am not eager to repeat said experience.

Hour 1: Still waking up, sleepy and comfy. It is 2 in the afternoon, my normal wake-up time.

Hour 2: Gym clothes on, head out the door for a run

Hour 3: Tired but triumphant, I just ran 5 miles!

Hour 10: First real wave of tired hits me as that run on top of work kicks in. It's 11pm and I've still got 8 hours of work left to go. Its ok, plenty of energy still!

Hour 15: 4a.m., I'm never going to make it, my head screams to be laid down. Can't yet. I shake it off and get on with life.

Hour 18: Finally off work, no rest yet though. Due to my apartment burning up on Friday and the subsequent investigation, now is the only time I am allowed to go get stuff. I park in the parking lot and try to drift off. Amid the chattering of teeth and alternate car warming, it is impossible to catch any sort of nap. This is when I realize that I promised my Boyfriend Id go to lunch with him in a mere 6 hours. Oh joy.

Hour 23: I have waited in the cold, cleaned out my kitchen stuff and clothes from a smoke filled apartment, loaded my car, driven to Grandma's house, unloaded, showered, confirmed lunch plans, and am now driving to my boyfriend s house. Now that its light outside I'm having an easy time staying awake. No repercussions from lack of sleep yet!

Hour 27: My head now has a definite pounding, and my eyes seem to be buzzing. I refused to give up on the date though, because I hardly ever get to see my guy. Oh well, time to get ready for work. Again.

Hour 28: 6pm and time to pound a chai tea for that burst of energy

Hour 34: caffeine gone, it is now midnight and I hurt.

Hour 35: Diarrhea. What did I eat? Does lack of sleep do this? Why must you betray me body?

Hour 36: Still nauseous, although that may be a side effect of cleaning up lots of poop. I can do this though, I'm focused now.

Hour 38: Why....why at 4a.m. does my head spin? My coworkers all are zombies too though, so it's not that unusual.

Hour 39: just focusing on work.....

Hour 41: Done with work! Time to drive straight home, well, to the place that I have a bed, and go to sleep!

Hour 41.5: This car drive is killer. Wasn't there a study about how lack of sleep makes you look like you're driving drunk? Uh oh, I decide to turn up the tunes in the car so that it will overstimulate my ear canals. It works and I make it home.

Hour 42: Sweet, sweet bliss of bedtime. I love the soft bed, soft covers, and soft place to sleep...there are springs poking me in the ribs, but whatever, it's bed! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz



So there you have it. Lots of headaches it took me about 2 days to get over being that tired. Um, not going to try that again anytime soon.

If You Actually Read This...

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I'm Getting a Second Job

Here's a typical Thursday or Friday evening for me.

Me: Hmmm, I want to go out this weekend, tired of staying in...let's see who wants to hang out!

Me: *Calls boyfriend* Hey handsome, doing anything Saturday night?
Boyfriend: Yeah, I've got this super cool acting thing all day, and then my family is all going swimming!
Me: That sounds fun!
Boyfriend: I know, it'll be super great!
Me:....so...Saturday?
Boyfriend: I'm busy then, but talk to ya later for sure!

Me: *texts Social Girl* I'm thinking girls night Saturday, what do you think?
Social Girl: Sorry, I can't, I've got tons of work gibberish to finish.
Me: Hey that's cool, I understand. Maybe next time?
Social Girl: Maybe, having a real job is so hard! You're so lucky your job isn't as real as mine.
Me: Haha...ha....ah....yeah.

Me: *calls best girl friend* Hey bestie, wanna hang on Saturday?
Bestie: Um...I live in Florida...
Me: Oh, yeah I forgot...

Me: *texts Purple-Hair Girl* You, me, horror movie, Saturday night. Whaddaya think?
Purple-Haired Girl: Got a hipster concert to go to with all of my similarly styled friends that night, but thanks for asking!
Me: I was thinking of dying my hair pink. No prob, have fun!

Me: *Texts Work Friend* Hey, want to grab dinner Saturday?
Work Friend: Why are you texting me?

Me: *posts on Facebook* I think I'm going to see New Popular Movie on Saturday, anyone want to come?
Facebook:
Facebook: *Friend/s that lives in Wyoming/Florida/Europe/The Moon/Provo* Would totes come if I lived closer!

Me: *calls mom*
Mom: You have reached the voice mailbox of-
Me: *hangs up*

Me: *group Snapchats everyone who is socially acceptable to do so.* (Insert puppy-dog eyes picture) Anyone want to hang Saturday? Fun stuff planned!
Snapchat: You have no new updates.

Me: *texts Weird Stalker Friend* I'm super bored, wanna go do something?
Weird Stalker Friend: Don't you have a boyfriend?
Me:....


So...guess who's getting a second job?

Chiggers versus Sunburn

How is a sunburn like a chigger? Let me explain.

Recently I received a large-scale sunburn over, well, an unfortunate amount of skin. Really any amount of sunburn is unfortunate,  however this one was particularly unfortunate as it involved all of my limbs with special concentration on my shoulderblades and upper legs. Really it just made it so I couldn't lay down with any sort of comfort. I either had to lie on my stomach and endure burning from my legs, or on my back and endure pain radiating from my shoulders. Fast forward one week, and all that crispy skin is peeling off nicely...and itching like Fred and George spread itching powder over every item of clothing I own. I seriously don't remember ever itching this badly in my life except for the one summer I was 9...

Do you know what a chigger is? I sure do. It's this microscopic little red devil of itchiness. It bites you and burrows into the skin, creating a Mt. Kilimanjaro of discomfort. The only way to get rid of the itching is to kill the suckers while they sleep (as they are related to the tick family, they stay in the skin, itching and itching and itching and itching...for at least two weeks). The only way to do that is to paint your skin with nail polish. Clear is the best, mostly because you look the least weird wearing it. You can use any color, simply paint all your welts with the polish of your choice and that will cease the itching...eventually...takes a day or two.

So, one summer I was 9 years old. Most of us had a summer like that. I mean, you can read now, and are reading this, so you obviously were 9 at one point in your life.

Anyway, I was 9, and for some reason I decided to sit in the tall grass outside my Nebraska home while wearing calf-high socks, elastic waist-banded pants, and several hair-ties around one wrist. Did I mention that chiggers love to bite underneath tight-fitting clothing? Especially sock and underwear lines?

That evening I couldn't rest for the amount of itching. The only nail polish my mother could find was blue, all the clear had been depleted on my several younger siblings and the unfortunate neighbors. She painted me up so I looked like an unfortunate half-smurf, then I laid in bed trying desperately not to gouge chunks of skin from my calves.

That's what this summer reminds me of. A tingling under the skin that begins as a slight tickle. You think that if you ignore it, it'll go away. It's only the vaguest of feelings after all. However, it starts to increase. It gets worse until the tickle has become practically a fester. Your skin is jumping with effort to keep still. You can't think about anything else but how much you itch. All you want to do is drag your fingernails deeply through the pestilence that has now set your skin aflame. Nothing else will satisfy this strange itching and jumping coursing through your skin. The itching is there, it has always been there, and you will always itch.

So, chiggers versus sunburn. I think chiggers win, but sunburn comes in at a close second. You can avoid sunburn after all, and chiggers...well. Let's just say chiggers are the spawn of Satan sent to destroy your sanity through itching.

And now, how many of you itch after reading this? You're welcome.

The background of my computer screen is currently a picture of Toothless from How To Train Your Dragon staring intently at the user of my computer.

He's so cute! 

When you drag the mouse to a very select portion of the screen on the lower right-hand side, all of the tabs and things open on the page disappear without warning to show you the background of the screen. 

Hi there. Were you doing something?

Most of the time I forget what is on my background as I almost always have a browser up. Today though, took the cake. I was happily browsing the internet when I accidentally found the disappearing sector with my mouse and the next thing I saw was.....

I will murder you in your sleep.

Have a nice day and don't get eaten by overly curious dragons. :)

50 Shades of Smut

So the first trailer for the upcoming movie 50 Shades of Grey has aired, and the networks are going bonkers over it. NBC is hyping the heck out of this movie, and it is getting more and more attention as time goes by. I'm sure that by the time it comes out in February of 2015 everybody in America, and probably most of the people in first-world countries will know of this movie.

I personally have not read the book. I don't plan on intending to see the movie. My only thoughts on this movie is that I would like to bankrupt the studios that are producing this film, show them that America has a stronger moral fiber than just allowing Hollywood to shove whatever down our throats all the time. How can we bankrupt a studio you may ask? Well, I have a plan. First, I have a few thoughts on this story that I want to share with you all, and ask you to think about very carefully.

1. What makes this book different from all the other erotic novels that have been published over the years? That is all that 50 Shades of Grey is, 50 Shades of Erotic Garbage and Mind Pornography. By many accounts it is also one of the worst-written books ever. Have you gone online and watched any of the YouTube Videos titled "So-and-So reads 50 Shades of Grey"? My personal favorites are where Ellen Degeneres reads aloud, as well as Pewdiepie. Just hearing some of the lines from the book make you want to cringe. Actor after actor turned down the role of Christian Grey (including Charlie Hunnam, he read a few pages of script and then refused the role, and that's the guy that starred in Pacific Rim. I think we can all agree that movie isn't known for its brilliant, or even average dialogue.) So, why is this book/movie which by all accounts is terrible, become so popular?

2. This book is the one that the Twilight Series was based off of. Just remove the BDSM from 50 Shades of Grey, add vampires and keep the dialogue and voila.

3. This movie will be the first time that a porn is spread so widely in theatres. 50 Shades of Grey is rated R instead of X, as X-rated movies can't be shown in mainstream theatres. This movie will be shown alongside kids movies in theatres, how wonderful that children, teens, and discerning adults will get to see these trailers and movie posters every time they go to the theatre from now until well into next April or May.

4. This isn't a love story. It's an abusive and domineering relationship which by many accounts doesn't accurately reflect normal BDSM culture (if there is such a thing.) It's about a young woman who slowly has her entire life and person controlled by a ridiculously rich and bored older man, who has a two-dimensional personality. It is a slap in the face to all the movies that have come out in the last two years with a strong female lead, including Harry Potter, Divergent, The Hunger Games, and others. Because women really need to be pulled back to the dark ages and be told what to do. The worst part is that the characters don't even learn anything from the relationships, they sink deeper into them and just stay there. Not like Precious or other movies about abusive relationships that teach you how to get out of them, this one basically tells you to go even deeper into the abuse and co-dependancy.

So, a widely-spread porn that inspired Twilight, about abusive an abusive relationship that is horribly written is about to become the most-viewed movie in America. Back to the first question, why is this book so popular?
-It's easy to read
-It appeals to the lowest common denominator
-It doesn't make you think but lets you stay in a stupor while bathing your mind in garbage
-It's an easy way for companies to make porn more socially acceptable.

I know I haven't given a lot of statistics or research on the movie and frankly I don't want to. Go read Matt Walsh's blog on the subject if you want more research. Are you ready to bankrupt some studios with me? Here's how.

Stop talking about this movie, stop accepting the advertisements on it. When it comes out, don't go see it. Don't buy it. Don't give a cent of your money or a second of your time to this awfulness. Talk someone else out of seeing it. Let's do something drastic, by doing nothing about the movie, we can bankrupt the studio that gave the time of day to this film, and show Hollywood that we won't accept this smut in our lives. Who wants to bankrupt Focus Features, Michael Del Luca Productions, and Trigger Street Productions with me? Let's create a little chaos together.