A while ago I had my first encounter with explosions at work. Explosions of an unconventional manner.
Day Shift: So this guy should be good. He hadn't pooped in 5 days before he got here, but he got some stool softeners earlier and then had a huge BM about an hour ago.
Me: *naively* Great!
At about 11pm that night, the call light goes off for that room. I happily walked down the hallway and opened the door to see...an explosion. It was Everywhere.
The bed.
The floor.
The patient.
The walls.
The bathroom.
The patient's mother.
Patient's Mother: I...uh...need a bit of help here.
Me: Well, *whipping out my antibacterial wipes* let's get started.
Two showers, two complete clothing changes, a bed change, a thorough cleaning of the room and bathroom and 45 minutes later, the explosion was contained and all casualties of the explosion were cleaned and back in bed.
Patient's Mother: I guess those stool softeners worked.
#yestheydid
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Friday, August 8, 2014
That's Not How You're Supposed To Do It....
Sometimes things get a little hectic at the hospital. I just concentrate on my patients and ensure they are well taken care of. Most of my coworkers are wonderful, intelligent people that truly enjoy the work that they do. Once in awhile I encounter a nurse that makes me wonder how they ever made it through nursing school without a dunce cap on their heads. And then I write a blog about it.
One night I came into a patient's room because their oxygen levels were dropping. I was surprised to find their nasal cannula on and a simple mask set tightly over their mouth and nose. The nasal cannula was set at 4 liters of oxygen (which from a nasal cannula feels like sticking an airbrush up your nose) and the mask wasn't even hooked up to an oxygen tank. I turned the cannula back down to 1 liter (all the patient was cleared for/needed) and hid the mask in the bedside drawer. Then I went in search of answers.
Me: So I found my patient with both a nasal cannula and a mask on.
Nurse: I put the mask on over the cannula.
Me: What? Why?
Nurse: Well, she was breathing with her mouth open and I wanted her to keep it closed.
Me: You know we aren't supposed to do that, just move the cannula down to the mouth so they still get oxygen.
Nurse: I do this all the time, it usually works.
Me: .....
#howdoyouclaimtohavemoretrainingthanme
One night I came into a patient's room because their oxygen levels were dropping. I was surprised to find their nasal cannula on and a simple mask set tightly over their mouth and nose. The nasal cannula was set at 4 liters of oxygen (which from a nasal cannula feels like sticking an airbrush up your nose) and the mask wasn't even hooked up to an oxygen tank. I turned the cannula back down to 1 liter (all the patient was cleared for/needed) and hid the mask in the bedside drawer. Then I went in search of answers.
Me: So I found my patient with both a nasal cannula and a mask on.
Nurse: I put the mask on over the cannula.
Me: What? Why?
Nurse: Well, she was breathing with her mouth open and I wanted her to keep it closed.
Me: You know we aren't supposed to do that, just move the cannula down to the mouth so they still get oxygen.
Nurse: I do this all the time, it usually works.
Me: .....
#howdoyouclaimtohavemoretrainingthanme
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Question of the Day
If you were a girl and you had to get a double mastectomy so that you didn't even have nipples anymore, just two scars on a flat chest and then elected not to get reconstructive surgery, do you think you'd be able to go topless at the beach without getting arrested?
Here's my thoughts on that. I think you should be able to in that case, because seriously, what are we afraid of at that point? Plus I don't know why boobs should be illegal in the first place. Men's nipples aren't illegal at the beach, I just think the system is unfair.
Also, you'd probably get some prissy lady telling you to 'cover up for the kids.' It's America people.
#whatdoyouthink
Monday, August 4, 2014
5 Things You Should NEVER Post on Social Media
Some things do not belong on social media. The state of your great-grandma's toenails is one. The insipid teenage whining about how no one likes you is another. Other things are a little harder to decide about. So, I have made a list of 5 things never to post on social media. If you're conflicted about whether or not to put something up, go through this list. If it meets one, or heaven forbid, all of the categories, then save yourself and all of your friends the trouble by not posting.
1. Anything 'Fishy'.
"So Bored."
"Nobody loves me."
"Having a bad day."
"Sigh..."
All of those are just looking for compliments and/or attention. Really? You're so insecure you have to post it on social media for everyone to see? Well excuse me, I'll just throw you a fish!
2. Rants designed to offend.
Rants have their time and place. If you feel passionate about something, by all means share it. However, there are rants that have no place on social media. These are rants that are designed to stir up emotion, to really step on people's toes. These are rants with specific social, political, economical, and other themes. The biggest difference between appropriate rants and inappropriate ones are the ones that state something to the effect of, "And if you think differently then you're dumb." Really? People are designed to have opinions so....
3. Anything with poor grammar or spelling.
On purpose or not, take the time to enlighten yourself. We are a culture of socially driven people, and often the written word is where people will get their first opinions of you. So fix it. If you don't know what is considered poor grammar or spelling, allow me to shed some light on the subject by means of Weird Al.
4.Family Issues
Again, social media is not the place to air family problems and try to get feedback on them. We don't want to know how much your aunt annoys you, or how you dad won't give you money, or how the super-complicated proceedings of your divorce are going. I've unfriended people for this, the drama is annoying and you may think it's supposed to be important to your entire social circle but I've got news for you, it's not. So get some counseling or something, but keep it off Facebook!
5. Honeymoon photos
This is what irks me the most. Honeymoon photos with the hashtag #sexytime. Please no, for the love of everyone's sanity, do not remind all your friends, family, acquaintances, work buddies, and that random homeless dude you befriended once how you have successfully overcome singledom and are now in a paradise land getting it on. No one wants to know. Especially not me. There, rant over. If you don't know by now what to keep off social media then there's no help for you.
What other inappropriate uses of social media have you come across? Comments are below, #sexytimecommentsarebest.
1. Anything 'Fishy'.
"So Bored."
"Nobody loves me."
"Having a bad day."
"Sigh..."
All of those are just looking for compliments and/or attention. Really? You're so insecure you have to post it on social media for everyone to see? Well excuse me, I'll just throw you a fish!
2. Rants designed to offend.
Rants have their time and place. If you feel passionate about something, by all means share it. However, there are rants that have no place on social media. These are rants that are designed to stir up emotion, to really step on people's toes. These are rants with specific social, political, economical, and other themes. The biggest difference between appropriate rants and inappropriate ones are the ones that state something to the effect of, "And if you think differently then you're dumb." Really? People are designed to have opinions so....
3. Anything with poor grammar or spelling.
On purpose or not, take the time to enlighten yourself. We are a culture of socially driven people, and often the written word is where people will get their first opinions of you. So fix it. If you don't know what is considered poor grammar or spelling, allow me to shed some light on the subject by means of Weird Al.
4.Family Issues
Again, social media is not the place to air family problems and try to get feedback on them. We don't want to know how much your aunt annoys you, or how you dad won't give you money, or how the super-complicated proceedings of your divorce are going. I've unfriended people for this, the drama is annoying and you may think it's supposed to be important to your entire social circle but I've got news for you, it's not. So get some counseling or something, but keep it off Facebook!
5. Honeymoon photos
This is what irks me the most. Honeymoon photos with the hashtag #sexytime. Please no, for the love of everyone's sanity, do not remind all your friends, family, acquaintances, work buddies, and that random homeless dude you befriended once how you have successfully overcome singledom and are now in a paradise land getting it on. No one wants to know. Especially not me. There, rant over. If you don't know by now what to keep off social media then there's no help for you.
What other inappropriate uses of social media have you come across? Comments are below, #sexytimecommentsarebest.
Saturday, August 2, 2014
Compliments to the Coworker
I sometimes get to have fun conversations with my patients. One night I was talking with a cute older lady about how she moves from one spot to the other.
Betty White: There's only two of your coworkers that can move my all by themselves.
Me: Who are they?
Betty White: That tall skinny guy in PT, and that other one here. Tall, dark, nice muscles and a few tattoos?
Me: Oh yes, you're talking about The Rock. (*Names changed for comedy purposes)
Betty White: That's right! (Leans in conspiratorially) I made him move my pillows just so I could feel his muscles.
Me: Oh that's....nice?
Betty White: You're darn right, *dreamy sigh* He is a beautiful man.
#thatismynewcatchphrase #he'llneverlivethatdown
Betty White: There's only two of your coworkers that can move my all by themselves.
Me: Who are they?
Betty White: That tall skinny guy in PT, and that other one here. Tall, dark, nice muscles and a few tattoos?
Me: Oh yes, you're talking about The Rock. (*Names changed for comedy purposes)
Betty White: That's right! (Leans in conspiratorially) I made him move my pillows just so I could feel his muscles.
Me: Oh that's....nice?
Betty White: You're darn right, *dreamy sigh* He is a beautiful man.
#thatismynewcatchphrase #he'llneverlivethatdown
Thursday, July 31, 2014
And They Say You Should Be The Smart One
I recently started a job as a Health Care Assistant. It's a long, thankless job that involves a lot of poop, but sometimes nuggets of comedy show up. I wanted to share a short story on idiocy for a moment that I encounter in the workplace.
At work we have a video monitor on which we watch our impulsive patients to make sure they don't pull out IV's or try to get out of bed without help. If a patient does need assistance, we are supposed to send another aide in. One night I was assigned to watch video monitor...
Me: Hey, *New Hire* could you go see room 3? He pulled off his oxygen mask for the trach again. (Not a big deal, but oxygen levels will get low if left off too long)
New Hire: Sure!
Mr. New Hire walks into the room, carefully picks up the mask, and then stares at it as if it were an alien creature. Finally, ignoring the arrows that clearly point "This Way UP", he puts it on upside down. It doesn't fit. Mr. New Hire takes it off, stares at it again, and puts it on...upside down, again.
It is at this point I hear muttered Russian curses from over my shoulder. Our head nurse has noticed Mr. New Hire's idiocy and marches to the room to fix the issue.
Later I had an opportunity to ask Mr. New Hire about it.
Me: So...have your worked as an aide before?
Mr. New Hire: Oh yes, I think that I was very good and that is why I got hired here.
Me: Uh Huh, so are you going to school for this?
Mr. New Hire: Yes, I am in the nursing program and I will be a great nurse one day
#ifyoudon'tkillyourpatientsfirst
At work we have a video monitor on which we watch our impulsive patients to make sure they don't pull out IV's or try to get out of bed without help. If a patient does need assistance, we are supposed to send another aide in. One night I was assigned to watch video monitor...
Me: Hey, *New Hire* could you go see room 3? He pulled off his oxygen mask for the trach again. (Not a big deal, but oxygen levels will get low if left off too long)
New Hire: Sure!
Mr. New Hire walks into the room, carefully picks up the mask, and then stares at it as if it were an alien creature. Finally, ignoring the arrows that clearly point "This Way UP", he puts it on upside down. It doesn't fit. Mr. New Hire takes it off, stares at it again, and puts it on...upside down, again.
It is at this point I hear muttered Russian curses from over my shoulder. Our head nurse has noticed Mr. New Hire's idiocy and marches to the room to fix the issue.
Later I had an opportunity to ask Mr. New Hire about it.
Me: So...have your worked as an aide before?
Mr. New Hire: Oh yes, I think that I was very good and that is why I got hired here.
Me: Uh Huh, so are you going to school for this?
Mr. New Hire: Yes, I am in the nursing program and I will be a great nurse one day
#ifyoudon'tkillyourpatientsfirst
Sunday, July 13, 2014
Wanted: New Best Friend
I've had some issues with my close friends recently. To be more specific, my two best friends have become distant to the point that the best friend post in my life is rather empty. Let me explain, keeping in mind that I love these two people like crazy and wish that life was different.
First:: My best friend forever currently lives in Florida. That's well and good, but I miss her like crazy and she is often unavailable to speak with due to time differences and jobs. The bigger fact of the matter is, as she's not close she is unavailable for girls nights out. You know, like going to see sappy movies your boyfriend won't go see, staying at home and doing nail parties, and going out for ice cream at 1am just because you feel like it. Plus I miss the ghost hunting.
Second, my best Utah friend started dating a guy in February and has basically disappeared from off the face of the earth. It is now July and I can count on one hand the number of times we've hung out and it only takes two hands to count the number of times we've had an actual conversation. I used to talk to her once ever few days, now I'm lucky if it's once a month. Lists and lists of unreturned texts and calls have necessitated looking elsewhere for someone to confide in. Same issue with having no one to call on for impromptu hang-outs.
So! Instead of moping I have begun a search for a new best friend. Please read the below posting for information and how to apply to be Charlotte's Best Friend. Perks and remuneration for filling said post are numerous, the most important ones are listed at the end :)
Wanted: One Best Friend
I am looking for a new best friend, qualifications are as follows...
- Must Be: Female between the ages of 21 and 28. Ages may be waived depending on maturity level. It is possible for a male to be my best friend, but he must fit all the other qualifications below.
- Practicing LDS or have extensive experience with the LDS culture. This is very important, as someone who can't or refuses to understand this culture will not understand a core part of me.
- Experienced at dating. Preferably had at least 2, if not more previous relationships. *Can be currently in a relationship.*
- Not currently married. You may consider getting engaged or married, after 3 months of being best friends, but to start out this relationship you must be single on your tax forms.
- Likes to talk and knows how to listen
- Able to keep secrets. (Duh, that's like, the whole purpose of having a best friend.)
- Stable emotionally, not crazy. **
Duties
-Engage in 2-3 phone conversations per week. Each may be up to one hour in length, possibly shorter.
-Willing to come over at least once per week or as needed.
-Availiable for emergency counseling/advice (this will be once or twice a month)
-Answers phone calls/texts in a timely manner ***
-Live within 30 minutes of my house
Payment
You will get in return for performing these duties: 1 best friend, possibly for life. You will get a confidante, someone who adores you, who will go to the weird concerts with you and smile anyways, who knows how to cook, have fun, and has lots of cute guy friends if you need set up. Plus I'll be honest if those jeans actually do make you look fat, and suffer through early morning yoga with you if you want to get in shape.
Also free concert tickets, free dinner occasionally, fantastic nails, hair advice, shopping buddy. Your call really, the time you put in will be the time you get back.
I'm a fantastic friend, and an even better bestie. What I really want is someone to confide in about my dating life, to hear the issues and celebrate the good stuff, and someone to do something with when I'm super bored. Right now my confidantes are my mom (who opens up dating convo's by asking, "You engaged yet?" No, can't get him to call me on his own so...yeah) and my BFF, who unfortunately has never had a boyfriend and lives too far away to give me notes on how she observes his actions. I mean, seriously, Google can only get me so far. I'll do all of the same for you.
Sound interesting? Want a new BFF? Shoot me an email at ccapron@live.com with the title; NEW BEST FRIEND APPLICATION, and why you think we should give being besties a shot. We'll set up lunch and possibly a screening process (in the form of going to a movie, and another night where we talk and get to know each other while doing nails.) After that, we'll take it from there!
NOTES
*If in relationship or going to get in one, this expectation uppermost: Doesn't dedicate life to boyfriend. Many girls become impossible to get in contact with once they start dating someone (see above), this is not acceptable in a best friend as that negates the purpose of having a best friend. If this happens you will be regulated to just 'friend'. Plus, that's really not healthy for you.
**I have had best friends that try to drive away all my other friends, one that tried to kill themself, one that would call me 12 times a day until I went crazy. A small amount of what can be deemed 'interesting' is necessary and healthy even, however if you can't regulate your own emotions then other people can't do it for you, so please don't expect me to do that.
***As far as answering phone calls and texts, this is kind of a no-brainer. If you're at work or out with other friends or with family, you're not expected to answer. You are however expected to get back to me either with a kind, 'I'm busy' text or a phone call later that night. 24 hours is the absolute longest you can go without returning a call, you know it's just rude to go for days and weeks without returning calls. Just be honest when you're busy, it's not like I'm expecting you to drop your life for me, just take 20 seconds and return a text. The same will go in return for you.
First:: My best friend forever currently lives in Florida. That's well and good, but I miss her like crazy and she is often unavailable to speak with due to time differences and jobs. The bigger fact of the matter is, as she's not close she is unavailable for girls nights out. You know, like going to see sappy movies your boyfriend won't go see, staying at home and doing nail parties, and going out for ice cream at 1am just because you feel like it. Plus I miss the ghost hunting.
Second, my best Utah friend started dating a guy in February and has basically disappeared from off the face of the earth. It is now July and I can count on one hand the number of times we've hung out and it only takes two hands to count the number of times we've had an actual conversation. I used to talk to her once ever few days, now I'm lucky if it's once a month. Lists and lists of unreturned texts and calls have necessitated looking elsewhere for someone to confide in. Same issue with having no one to call on for impromptu hang-outs.
So! Instead of moping I have begun a search for a new best friend. Please read the below posting for information and how to apply to be Charlotte's Best Friend. Perks and remuneration for filling said post are numerous, the most important ones are listed at the end :)
Wanted: One Best Friend
I am looking for a new best friend, qualifications are as follows...
- Must Be: Female between the ages of 21 and 28. Ages may be waived depending on maturity level. It is possible for a male to be my best friend, but he must fit all the other qualifications below.
- Practicing LDS or have extensive experience with the LDS culture. This is very important, as someone who can't or refuses to understand this culture will not understand a core part of me.
- Experienced at dating. Preferably had at least 2, if not more previous relationships. *Can be currently in a relationship.*
- Not currently married. You may consider getting engaged or married, after 3 months of being best friends, but to start out this relationship you must be single on your tax forms.
- Likes to talk and knows how to listen
- Able to keep secrets. (Duh, that's like, the whole purpose of having a best friend.)
- Stable emotionally, not crazy. **
Duties
-Engage in 2-3 phone conversations per week. Each may be up to one hour in length, possibly shorter.
-Willing to come over at least once per week or as needed.
-Availiable for emergency counseling/advice (this will be once or twice a month)
-Answers phone calls/texts in a timely manner ***
-Live within 30 minutes of my house
Payment
You will get in return for performing these duties: 1 best friend, possibly for life. You will get a confidante, someone who adores you, who will go to the weird concerts with you and smile anyways, who knows how to cook, have fun, and has lots of cute guy friends if you need set up. Plus I'll be honest if those jeans actually do make you look fat, and suffer through early morning yoga with you if you want to get in shape.
Also free concert tickets, free dinner occasionally, fantastic nails, hair advice, shopping buddy. Your call really, the time you put in will be the time you get back.
I'm a fantastic friend, and an even better bestie. What I really want is someone to confide in about my dating life, to hear the issues and celebrate the good stuff, and someone to do something with when I'm super bored. Right now my confidantes are my mom (who opens up dating convo's by asking, "You engaged yet?" No, can't get him to call me on his own so...yeah) and my BFF, who unfortunately has never had a boyfriend and lives too far away to give me notes on how she observes his actions. I mean, seriously, Google can only get me so far. I'll do all of the same for you.
Sound interesting? Want a new BFF? Shoot me an email at ccapron@live.com with the title; NEW BEST FRIEND APPLICATION, and why you think we should give being besties a shot. We'll set up lunch and possibly a screening process (in the form of going to a movie, and another night where we talk and get to know each other while doing nails.) After that, we'll take it from there!
NOTES
*If in relationship or going to get in one, this expectation uppermost: Doesn't dedicate life to boyfriend. Many girls become impossible to get in contact with once they start dating someone (see above), this is not acceptable in a best friend as that negates the purpose of having a best friend. If this happens you will be regulated to just 'friend'. Plus, that's really not healthy for you.
**I have had best friends that try to drive away all my other friends, one that tried to kill themself, one that would call me 12 times a day until I went crazy. A small amount of what can be deemed 'interesting' is necessary and healthy even, however if you can't regulate your own emotions then other people can't do it for you, so please don't expect me to do that.
***As far as answering phone calls and texts, this is kind of a no-brainer. If you're at work or out with other friends or with family, you're not expected to answer. You are however expected to get back to me either with a kind, 'I'm busy' text or a phone call later that night. 24 hours is the absolute longest you can go without returning a call, you know it's just rude to go for days and weeks without returning calls. Just be honest when you're busy, it's not like I'm expecting you to drop your life for me, just take 20 seconds and return a text. The same will go in return for you.
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