Sunburn

Three weeks ago I began a job. It's pretty much just that, a job that will help me survive until I get another job that hopefully pays better and requires less energy. No one told me that being an adult came with such difficulties as CAR PAYMENTS and BILLS. If someone had told me that when I was a teenager, I'm pretty sure I would have refused to become an adult and retreated back to the land of high school for the rest of my life.

Alas, such information was not forthcoming, I think that's part of the trick played on you by parents in order to get you out of the house... Jokes on them though, I just moved in with my grandparents instead!!!! (If anyone knows of some cheap housing and would like to be roommates, please send me the information, I will love you forever!)

Back to the job, as part of this job, actually, the entirety of this job consists of me being outside, in the sun, for 2-8 hours a day. However long it takes me to give up from exhaustion and heatstroke. Because it's summer. And we seem to keep having a streak of 100 degree + days.

Me being the brilliant person that I am, decided two weeks ago that since I was outside all day anyway, I might as well get a nice tan from it. So I decided to start wearing one of those light runner-type shirts that lets your shoulders get exposed to the glorious sunlight.

The day started off well, nice and cool, a few rays of sunlight trickling through the trees and me outside enjoying it as best I knew how. Alright! I thought, Now I'm going to get a cool tan and look so great at my brother's wedding!! Such happy thoughts, too bad I forgot that most of my ancestors are from England and France and Switzerland and other places that don't get a lot of sunlight...

Three hours later....I believe I'm getting a bit sunburned, why yes, I do believe that I'm a little redder than I should be....You can probably guess where this is going. By the time I got back to the car, I was fried. Redder than a lobster and a lot more tender too. Needless to say, I wore normal shirts the rest of the week, had to keep those sunburned shoulders covered.

You know what happens when you get sunburnt? Tan lines. Lots of tan lines. Know what happens when you put sunscreen on your face and neck but not your shoulders and then you start to sweat a lot? More tan lines in weird rivers down your shoulders, it literally looks like a river of white decided to run down my arms. It's quite embarrassing, but still fun to show people.

One day later I went to an improv workshop and decided to randomly trustfall at someone. I think I hurt all the way out to the car and walked like a weird hunchback trying to take the pressure off my shoulders. Kids, don't get sunburned. It causes cancer, just like the entire state of California.

We probably shouldn't go into a week later when I was FINALLY starting to heal, and I came in from work one day to find the entire burned area of my shoulders and upper back was blistered. Like, gross bubbly blisters that were barely under the epidermis. Probably the best part of the entire sunburn was when I decided to slap my hand down on the blisters and they splatted. Everywhere.

Now it's just really peely and itchy and peely some more. I'll survive, but I've got some wicked tan lines to show for it. However, my brother's wedding is coming up in 9 days soooo....there's only one way that I know of to really get rid of tan lines...

The Culture of Honking

I was waiting for the stoplight to turn green one day, just me and the my car waiting there. Since there was no one else around, I reached down to get my sunglasses. When I sat back up with the sunglasses carefully situated on my face, I realized that the light had turned green. I stepped on the gas and decided to get in the right lane. After perfunctorily checking my mirrors, I flipped the blinker for half a second, and changed lanes. After all, there was no one in the other lane, or even on the road with me.

*BBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

The angriest honk I have ever heard seemed to fill the air around me and sent me swerving back into my lane. I looked around in consternation for this ghost car, and a spotted blue and gray apparition that zoomed past me. The driver glared at me through his window and plastered his middle finger against the glass, making sure that I could clearly read his message in all its glory.
I just stared back, letting my car slow down so that I didn't have to drive next to this randomly spawned lunatic that had appeared from the ether. The only thought that floated through my mind at that moment was, "Why do we honk at people? What a stupid form of communication."


As my years of driving experiences have piled up, it has become clear that we are in a culture of honking. I personally am too afraid to do more then light taps on my horn, on the random chance that the honkee may be a homicidal maniac that my honk sends over the edge. There are however, millions of drivers who do not feel the same as I do, and apply the horn with a much heavier touch.

So why do we honk at each other? It is true that a horn is probably the only instrument that is loud enough to reach other drivers through plated glass and steel. It's also true that most of us have little say in the matter, as horns are installed by the car makers and it was probably Henry Ford who invented them. Don't quote me on that.

But why the honking? More specifically, why the angry honking? I think it's the anger we have at being unable to personally connect with the other travelers on the road. We have these people that are so close, and yet so far away. We place ourselves in steel and glass prisons, effectively the worst kind of torture. Able to see the people around us but unable to communicate in any way, unable to even touch them or act in any manner different than what we have been trained to. After all, trying to actually communicate would result in death for the drivers, can't take your attention off the road for a second, even to text. But the jailers (or should we say rulers of transportation) did give us one type of communication; a loud, obnoxious, angry, horn. So, we take that. But the sound is so angry, we feed off of it and into our frustration at being unable to do what human beings are meant to do and actually reach out to those around us. So, we honk. And the honking gets angrier and louder the more frustrated we get at being unable to connect until finally, the honking is seen as a form of attack and you scare away the humans that deep down, you only want to connect with. Get the picture?

So, let's discuss the types of honks that there are. I've identified 5 different types, feel free to chime in with other honks or sub-genres of honks that you've heard. Here's what I hear on the road.

Types of honks
- The Tap: Light, polite beeps to let you know you missed the cue to go. Most often heard when a light turns green. Honkers are usually polite and/or afraid of imagined responses. They want to communicate, but are wary of the reaction, possibly because these honkers realize how invasive and angry the honk is.

-The Beep: Longer, insistent honks that say, "Pay attention, Stupid." Also heard frequently at traffic lights, and occasionally if you try to get into an already occupied lane. These honks aren't over the edge yet, and are the equivalent of tapping someone really hard on the shoulder to get their attention. Communication is still possible.

-The Blare: Self-righteous honks that let you know you are a terrible driver and the honker is obviously a much better driver as they were paying attention and you obviously weren't. This honk is the most frequent one, and can be heard anywhere in traffic from lines at Starbucks to the freeway. These people don't really care about the other travelers feelings or needs, but just want to be heard. They are on their way to being frustrated though, because honestly there's not much that can be said through a *BEEP*, which these drivers have subconsciously realized.

-Frustration Central: Repetitive honks intent on harassing other drivers, or that give the bored driver something to do. Heard in long lines or traffic jams, also when one driver cannot pass another who is going at some speed the honker has decided is too slow. Also accompanied by tailgating. These honkers would really like to just sit down and have a cup of coffee and discuss driving tactics with you, but they realize that this will never happen. They are doomed to their car prison and have realized they will never actually meet the lovely people they see around or in front of them. The frustration is overwhelming at this point, and may also be accompanied by depression.

-Angry Honk of Impending Doom: Blaring, loud honks that say "I hate you and would gladly kill you if it wasn't illegal. Then I'd rip your heart out while it was still beating and feed it to a Mongolian Dragon. Also you're a bad driver." These are rare, but once you've experienced one you never forget. These honks are reserved for maneuvers that almost kill one or both parties, but they both escape miraculously unharmed. Only delivered by very angry AND self-righteous drivers who aren't ashamed to let their middle fingers fly. These honkers are on the verge of insanity, if they haven't crossed over already. They have problems communicating in real life, which is only exacerbated by the conditions they find themselves in. Imagine, being in prison AND having people trying to kill you? Plus, your only voice is an angry sound that annoys and scares everyone who hears it. Enough to drive anyone mad.

So there you have it. Our culture of honking is all-encompassing, and bound to continue. It will only get worse as our feeling of non-communication grows with the walls built by phones and the internet. Imagine living in a world where you don't get to hug, touch, smell, lick, caress, hit, punch, or even kiss another human. Well, that's what we're doing to ourselves. Is it any wonder that honking is so pervasive these days?

Misread Signals

Waiting and watching, biding the time.
The view seemed clear through smoked glass, thought of as mine.
Whispering, wanted, pained recognition,
that the signs were wrong, listened to admonitions.

Frustrations abound, things done wrong.
Mistakes made, doors shut, waited too long.
Now the path is uncertain, clouds block the view
the glass fogs up, left without a clue.

Patterns repeated, crying in the dark,
waiting and watching for that effervescent spark.
Perhaps it is there, but how to tell?
Lines of communication, shattered, fell.

A glorious time is awaited, coming,
Flying to replace walking, running, shunning.
Not to be viewed through this cloudy sphere,
waiting to be release in the absence of fear.

Unclear now, but waiting, progressing,
to use tools without fear of regressing.
Move forward without, waiting no longer
for if the door is shut, beating won't make me stronger

Sunshine

There is a ray of sunshine scattered through the clouds
Oh I can feel, a ray of sunshine is scattered on the ground.
I don't know why I'm dancing or why I smile, forget to frown
But there might be a ray of sunshine scattered through the clouds.

You know they say,
when one door closes another
will come your way
I've been in darkness for so long

I couldn't see
the helping hands, but through the clouds.
The light showed me
right where I belong.

There is a ray of sunshine scattered through the clouds
Oh I can see, a ray of sunshine is scattered on the ground
I realize that I'm dancing and I smile, forget to frown
'Cause there is a ray of sunshine scattered through the clouds.

I thought that I
was destined to walk this path alone
barely getting by
Never to see light it seemed

But suddenly
a ray of sunshine pierced the clouds
leading me
and reignited my dreams.

There is a ray of sunshine scattered through the clouds
Oh I run to a ray of sunshine, scattered on the ground
I know now why I'm dancing and why I smile, forget to frown
Because there is a ray of sunshine, scattered through the clouds

Summer days
Lazy nights
Beautiful dreams
Flying kites

Sunburns galore
Dewy grass
Late sunsets
Purply rash

Waterskiing
Reading books
Laying out
Lonely nooks

Bug bites
Dripping sweat
Sunscreen on
Vacation debt

Summer fun
Drifts away
Good, bad
Here to stay

Books Beyond the Cage

A world is waiting beyond my fingertips,
shaped in ink and paper and other bits
of chemicals, plastics, and pieces of trees,
black shapes flowing across a white landscape with ease.
Forming worlds without measure, beyond count, timeless,
Creating mountains to conquer, our minds made restless.

I surround myself with the words,
Pile up pages on my bed like birds.
spill them over onto my floor,
fill my closet and my drawers.
It still isn't enough, I devour all and crave more
I must fill my heart with mounds of lore.

This one holds tales of princes and kings,
this one has stories of people like you and me.
This one is a classic, that one rather new.
This one is weird, and has sparkly vampires too.
I read them all, caress each page
Skim across time and escape my cage.

For life is short and comes with walls.
Barriers surround us, big and tall.
Whether in the form of money, knowledge, or status,
Our world surrounds us like a lattice.
We are kept imprisoned within our birthright,
And except for books would never know further light.

So I reach for these words that soothe my soul.
They teach that there is more, and it helps fill this hole
that burns within and it flames ever higher,
for though words can lie books are beautiful liars.
I'll sit within the confines, content to look about,
For with these windows to worlds I am happy without.

Hearts Brought Together As One

I am on the compassionate service committee for my singles ward. I remember getting the calling with frustration. Compassionate service? How am I supposed to serve others, I don't even have any friends, I'm the one that needs service! Thankfully, the Lord overlooks selfish thoughts like this and makes you persevere with the work.

One thing that's been brought to my attention is the amount of loneliness that exists within my ward. It's staggering to realize how many girls (I'm sure guys too, but I'm only in charge of girls) are struggling with feelings of loneliness, inadequacy, friendlessness, and general social depression. It's so easy to pick up a phone and connect with someone, message them on Facebook  send them an email, a text, some form of communication. I'm sure we could even do smoke signals if we wanted, but the thing is, we don't.

That's generally what my thoughts are on today. I've been lonely quite frequently over the past year, and I still struggle with loneliness. In my experience, the best way to overcome it is to put yourself out there, to make that first communication. It's scary, and some people may not reach back, but you will be surprised with the way people reach back. So, I want to change that.

One of the best things in my life is having a friend group that meets together frequently, just to hang. It's a given that on certain nights of the week, I will find them at a certain place. I think this is something that everyone needs. A place to call theirs, friends that accept (or at least tolerate) them, and something to do. It speaks volumes for people that are able to accept others into their group of already established friends, I know from experience that it means the world to people.

So, I guess the basis of this is, we need more people who are willing to reach out to others, to include them in their circles. I'm trying to work on that now, and while it may seem a daunting task, it is possible. One of the ten commandments is, "Love thy neighbor as thyself." I'm pretty sure that means, "Be a good friend with those around you. Also bring them chocolate, because that is always appreciated."