A Year of Dates

My To-Do List of Dates

How all couples should meet

For quite some time now I've run into this problem. What to do on the date upon which I'm about to embark? Now dates can be simple, complex, long, or short, but they all have one thing in common. Two people going out in order to get to know each other better. Whether you've been on one date or a million, this is always important. All too often, I run into the trap of, "What do ya wanna do?" "I don't know whadda you wanna do? "I don't know...let's do something!"



So, in hopes of avoiding the dreaded trap, I have compiled my rather lengthy list of date ideas. This is the 'bucket list' of dates, I want to do all of these someday. My goal in coming up with the ideas was simple, fun, and inexpensive. Now, this has been tailored to those who live in the Salt Lake area, but you can easily adapt the specific places I've mentioned (Asylum 49 for your fav local haunted house for example) and you'll have more dates than you can sneeze at. Without further ado, here they are!

1. Picnic in the park
2. Walk Gateway mall and run through the fountain
3. Try all the frozen yogurt stores nearby and pick a favorite.
4. Sneak into Lagoon using the resident pass just to ride the Superman. (My name for the one that drops you from 400 feet in a huge swing.)
5. Explore that old, creepy barn. At night. And take pictures.
6. Make out in the middle of the mall.
7. Each of you compile a CD of fav songs and then listen to them together.
8. Go to library together and pick out a book for the other person to read.
9. Climb to flag on mountain.
10. Go hot-tubbing, preferably somewhere you're not supposed to, like a hotel you didn't check in at.
11. Go waterskiing.
12. Weekend trip to Yellowstone or Jackson Hole or wherever you can get in 8 hrs of driving.
13. Go to a store, pick out outfits for each other, try them on. Laugh.
14. Try out the Twilight Concert Series in Salt Lake, just to laugh at the bands.
15. Write a short story one evening, switching off each paragraph with the other person.
16. Quiet dinner and movie at the house, but don't really watch the movie.
17. Sneak into the others workplace and kidnap them for 5 minutes to kiss in a closet.
18. Film a Vine together.
19. Walk around the downtown and take pictures of the graffiti.
20. Take the other person to your place of work and show them off.
21. Play video games.
22. Make a ridiculous music video together.
23. Go apartment shopping, even if neither of you has any interest in moving.
24. Try that crazy dance club.
25. Go to a bar with live music and order super fruity drinks.
26. Pretty much any excuse to kiss, hold hands, or make out. Find the excuses.
27. Make costumes together.
28. TP one of your arch-enemies houses.
29. Spend the evening looking up how to say, "I love you" in 20 different languages.
30. Have a nerf-gun fight. Or water balloon fight.
31. Go swimming. Preferably where neither of you have been.
32. Speaking of that, go wading in the Tempe square reflecting pool.
33. Go to Idaho just to go horseback riding.
34. Trampoline park anyone?
35. Paintball with friends, but ditch the friends on the way home.
36. Sneak into a theatre just to hold impromptu performances for each other.
37. Make your fav dinner for them.
38. Get some friends and a large, dark building and play sardines. (Reverse of hide-and-go seek. One person hides, everyone goes to find them and once you find them, you hide with them.)
39. Camping.
40. Show up unexpectedly at the other persons house with a random gift, stay only 10 minutes but kiss the whole time.
41. Climb to the top of a random skyscraper just to see what's up there.
42. Give each other a foot massage.
43. Go ice-blocking.
44. Climb a tree.
45. Organize a movie outside.
46. Go sledding.
47. Build an igloo and have a picnic.
48. Go on a hike.
49. Go to Nicklemania (or other and spend the whole time playing 2 person games, or challenging the other person, or just having fun.
50. Fid the weirdest restaurant you can and eat there.
51. Find the closest cheap concert and go, no matter the band.
52. Go to a museum, imitate the displays and take pictures.
53. Explore a big old, or big new library.
54. Find a farmer's market and pretend to be an old Russian married couple. Confuse the heck out of everyone you meet.
55. Go rock-climbing.
56. Find a weird TV show on Netflix and watch an episode. Write a review online.
57. Find a really old, dumb movie and riff-trax it. (As in, heckle.)
58. Go through a haunted house just to hang on tight to each other. (Asylum 49, Castle of Chaos, Fear Factory, or the best one, Nightmare on 13th)
59. Make up a dance routine to your song together, pretend you're on Dancing With the Stars.
60. Karaoke night.
61. Take a horse-carriage ride.

There, more than a year's worth of ideas, even if you do more than one a week on occasion. Dating is important, whether you're brand-new to the scene or married 50 years. The worst thing you can do is get stuck in a rut. I once dated a guy that only wanted to sit on his couch and stare at the wall while he fell asleep. AFTER I'd driven to his house, at his request, because..... he didn't have any ideas? Still confused as to why I did that. Needless to say, Mr. Boring didn't last long in the romantic scene of my life.

Have some give and take, but don't say no to something just because it seems weird or hard or you've never done it before. Try that sushi, you may even like it. At the very least you'll say, "Well, I'm doing something that I didn't do yesterday." That's what life's really about, finding the adventure. Have fun dating! And whatever you do, don't feed the homeless on 400 South, they bite.

Online and Social Media Dating: It's Exhausting

I decided to try online dating again.

Yes, again. I tried it out about a year ago and was met with mixed results. The bottom line became that I just wasn't into it and preferred to focus my social energy on my friend group. (And I went on a date with a guy who said he wanted to eat cats. Note: never EVER say that on a first date. Probably not on a fifth one either unless you're having a heart-to-heart about what lengths you would go to for survival. Not that your reason is you're curious about the taste. Just, ew.)

So I decided to try it again just to see. One reason was that I wanted to expand my range of meeting people. Two was that my BFF made me sign up and I didn't cancel the trial in time and now I'm stuck with a six-month membership. Well, if you're stuck with something you don't really want, you should use it? I guess?

Me: Hmm, a six-month membership. Really? What's the point?
My Brain: You might meet someone you like, remember how it worked for *Merida?
Me: Yeah? What about Velociraptor Man and Beard Dude? Or Zombie Girl and Bendy? Didn't work out for them!
My Brain: All of those people were and are acting within a social construct, meaning they're looking but not ready to accept love, which is why their relationships aren't working out-
Me: Shut up, I hate you.
My Brain: If you can't first love yourself then who will love you?
Me:...
My Brain: Point is, you should use the membership, really try, and see what happens.
Me: I take no responsibility for the fallout, got it?
My Brain: Fair enough.
Me: While we're talking, if you're so smart why am I not in a relationship yet?
My Brain: ....because...uh...you talk to yourself?
Me: .....oh yeah.

As you can tell I was off to a great start. So, despite inner turmoil I constructed a dating profile. I pulled some of my best pictures, a few of my not-so-great ones, and mixed them all together with a witty and compelling personal story to make readers interested in me as a person...
     Welcome to my profile, be warned, if you spontaneously fall in love can't say that I didn't warn you! Okay, obnoxious tagline out of the way...
Well, maybe not as compelling as all that.

So, two months in, here's what I've found.

Online dating is, in a word, exhausting.

The sheer amount of profiles, the names and interests. The people that I message who don't message back. The people who message me that I refuse to message back. The people that message me on the same day ten other people message me and I simply don't have the time to go through them all. The weeks where no one messages me and where I go through loads of self-doubt and loathing. It all happens.

While I can't say I've found a relationship or even been on any dates yet, here's what I can say to those looking for advice, male or female. (If you don't want the advice then too bad, you're stuck reading this so ha! Wait, don't click out! Don't leave meeeee!)

1. Be interesting. Put something in your personal story that makes me smile, makes someone else smile, frown, laugh, basically anything more than...
          "Hey, I'm new to this online thing but thought I'd give it a try! Haha. Don't know what else to say but yeah, I'm interested in a lot of things, message me if you want to know more!"
          I mean, seriously? You're basically forcing me to make a decision on whether to talk to you off your pictures so you better hope you look like a freaking supermodel because I'm sure not talking to you for your amazing personality or way with words at this point. Tell me about your Doctor Who or Psych obsession. How you accidentally pantsed your sister at a football game once. On a scale of one to Heath Ledger as the Joker how much you love ice cream. Just pull a bit of your personality out and let it shine. Or sizzle. Or die like a sparkler on the 4th of July. Whatever, just say something!

2. Put up a Good Picture. Please. Don't leave your profile picture blank, otherwise I'm forced to assume you're a 57 year old pedophile who looks like Christopher Walken and sleeps with his mother's dead ashes at night.

3. Don't Take It Personally if They Don't Message You Back. Flipping to third person here, so you wrote a cute and flirty one-liner and sent it off. And...they never messaged you back. "What was wrong with that?" you cry in frustration. "Why don't the people I'm interested in get back to me?" Answer; they're busy. They got ten other messages that day. Their dog died. Reruns of The Office are on. Whatever, don't take it personally.

4. Do Take It Personally If They Don't Message You Back. All you did was send a smiley face and say "Hey."? Or, "Hey, I like your smile."? Don't do that. Don't be that person. Remember rule #1? Be interesting. If someone is forced to pick and choose who they interact with that day, they're going to pick the person who decided to tell them about how they went on a trip to Sochi. Or a trip to their backyard. Or how they pantsed their sister at a football game. Anything that is more interesting then a 'hey'. Take it personally and change what you're doing.

5. Look Within Your Age Range. Seriously, all you 35 year old males, there are tons of 35 year old women out there who love running marathons and cooking and would love to meet an attractive, smart male who is their age. What are you doing messaging me? Now I'm not ruling out that age differences can work. For example, Benedict Cumberbatch is 37 and I think we would work very well together. However, in online dating you need to be able to establish common ground, (any dating really) and at this point we grew up in different decades and didn't even watch the same cartoons! Oh, and all you 18-20 year olds who are messaging me, what are you thinking? I've got siblings your age and that's just weird.
          Honestly, a large age difference can make it hard to connect with your partner. Relationships are based on common ground and mutual respect. If you're male, don't look beyond 5 or so years younger and most likely 2-3 years older. If you're female, 5 years or so older and 2-3 years younger. This is a maturity thing, and there's a reason the majority of people stay within this range. Age combinations other than this can work, but usually don't.

6. Have a Sense of Humor About It. Now, this isn't saying that you need to be funny. Just don't take it too seriously and be able to laugh at all the things that happen. For example, I got a message from a guy who told me instantly that he wanted to lock me up in his basement. Well, not really, here's the actual message:
Hello Dear,
How are you doing today?
I believe you are doing great!
I must confess,that your profile is simple and honest.Am confident that we are a great match.Hopefully you reply me to witness the birth of a wonderful,loving,caring and honest relationship that will last forever till death do us part.The Lord is our guide and protection.
Till I hear from you.
Stay blessed.
Yours,
*IGIVEOFFCREEPYVIBESWITHIN2SENTENCES

I heard once that you shouldn't be discouraged if you have stalkers or creepers. Just because they're stalkers doesn't mean they have bad taste! Roll with it, laugh, move on, and for heaven's sake don't message these ones back.

7. Look for A Connection Through Communication. In the end, we're all doing this so we can meet someone that we could spend the rest of our lives with. We've all got that common ground, so take that into account. When you're talking to someone, keep that in mind. Think about how hard this journey's been for you. It's been just as hard for them, if not harder. Make an effort to reach out, speak to the other person, and really connect. You'll be rewarded greatly, and the amount of effort you put in is what you'll get out of it.


That's all I've got to say. Looking through all the profiles and getting the constant rejection as well as the constant interaction is exhausting. You may think it's not worth it but in the end, you're learning something with each interaction, each date, and that helps get you one step closer to your goal in the end. So many people get burned out and swear off dating. Don't be that person, take a step back if you need to and enjoy the ride. Mr or Mrs right could be right around the corner, that next profile, and you wouldn't want to miss out! Besides, at the very least you'll get some good stories out of it.

*Notes: All names have been changed for privacy and comedy's sake. Also I've been away for awhile. Not really away, more like, just busy doing other stuff. If you want the end of the Sherlock story, message me. It was getting the lowest views so I stopped posting it. Can't promise I won't go away again, busy with school and work and such, also actually writing a book which takes up writing time, but anyway, hope you enjoyed the post!*

That Don't Impress Me Much

So I was out with some friends the other day, and I encountered a social situation that I've never really encountered before. One of the people at this outing is someone that I had previously agreed to go on a date with in the future. On this outing he decided to announce to the group that he and I were going on a date and that he was going to do all these awesome things for me. Borrow an expensive car, roses, yadda yadda. It was uncalled for and I was embarrased. Embarrassed to have my dating life brought up in a group setting, and even more embarrassed at the ego-stroking that went on from the people around him. 

"Wow, that's so awesome, I'd be so impressed." 

"Girl, you better reciprocate because he's going to a lot of trouble."

"This guy must be Batman, he's awesome."

I mean seriously? I could put this in more 'indelicate' terms, but I think that this gets the point across. He started talking about the future date in front of a bunch of people as a way to 'lay claim' and to have his manliness affirmed by a bunch of younger people who obviously couldn't afford things like this. 

It was embarrassing for me, but in a way I'm glad it came up. At least I got a good glimpse at what kind of a person he is. I think what bothered me the most is that everyone thought I should be impressed by this show. Fancy car? Money spent? Whatever. I think it's fine to go to trouble for a date, but to need to have your actions affirmed by everyone else? Talking about it as if I was already taken? Without my permission? No tact and definitely not cool. I hated being put in that situation. 

I've got an idea of what I'm going to do about this, but I'm going to keep that to myself for now. One thing that ran through my head clear and strong though, in the midst of my potential future date patting himself on the back was the lyrics to this Shania Twain song, the best of which lyrics I have included below. 

"That Don't Impress Me Much"

I've known a few guys who thought they were pretty smart
But you've got being right down to an art
You think you're a genius-you drive me up the wall
You're a regular original, a know-it-all
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else

Okay, so you're a rocket scientist
That don't impress me much
So you got the brain but have you got the touch
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night
That don't impress me much

You're one of those guys who likes to shine his machine
You make me take off my shoes before you let me get in
I can't believe you kiss your car good night
C'mon baby tell me-you must be jokin', right!

Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special
Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else

Okay, so you've got a car
That don't impress me much
So you got the moves but have you got the touch
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night

That don't impress me much
You think you're cool but have you got the touch
Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright
But that won't keep me warm on the long, cold, lonely night
That don't impress me much

Okay, so what do you think you're Elvis or something...
Oo-Oh-Oh
That don't impress me much!

Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-No
Alright! Alright!

You're Tarzan!
Captain Kirk maybe.
John Wayne.
Whatever!
That don't impress me much!

So, note for those reading it. Things don't impress me (much). You got a car, money, connections... whatever. Do you have personality? Tact? Grace? Social skills? Humble? Maturity? Sweetness? Because money can't replace any of these things. And the girls, the really good ones, won't give a flying fig about the car you drive. They'll more care if you make them feel safe, loved, beautiful, and needed. I have yet to meet the guy that can make me feel safe in social situations, usually I sit there and cringe at the things that fly out of their mouths and hope no one holds it against me. 

So you're Benedict Cumberbatch?

Whatever!

That don't impress me much. 

(Well, actually it would, because that would be freaking sweet to meet him, although we probably wouldn't really hit it off, on account of him being almost 20 years older than me and stuff... Maybe that actually explains what I mean about it better than anything.)