Saturday, April 4, 2015

Eyebrows, or Lack Thereof

So I decided that I was going to get my eyebrows waxed a month ago. I'd never had it done and the girls who did get theirs waxed always looked so polished and gorgeous. So, I took an empty slot with a friend who is going through beauty school. My hair had been quite dry lately due to suddenly deciding to dye it dark and then strip all the color back out, so I also went for a deep conditioning treatment.

The hair treatment was wonderful, I felt like a freaking movie star. I got my hair washed and treated and styled, it was so lovely and my hair could now be the envy of a supermodel mermaid. Look them up, they do exist. Plus I was taught a new way to style my bangs. Life could not be better on that front. On the other side of my head though, it was a different story.

First, the soothing warm wax was applied, and then she gently, if quite firmly, ripped up half my eyebrow hair.
"Dear Lord what have I done?!?!?!!!"
Let me give you a little background. Up until this point I had thought that I had slightly patchy, if rather nice brows. The right one was a little stubby but my brows were nothing to sneeze at. With the new polished but thick brow fashion hitting a high point, I thought a little polishing would slide me right to brow fame. How wrong was I.

Looking at the aftermath in the mirror it wasn't too terrible. A little redness, especially just under the brow, mostly nice shape. A little thin but I could deal. My unfortunately stubby right brow though was now much stubbier. Also my eyebrows seemed farther apart than normal. I didn't understand how, "Oh, now they match perfectly" translated into one long and one short brow. The worst was yet to come though.

That night the area underneath my eyebrows was still rather red, especially in two strips basically right in the middle of the area between the lid and the brow. I applied a cold washcloth, a little neosporin and went to bed. Ah, the last night of lovely dreams. In the morning, two angry red strips stared back at me like second eyebrows that would have looked better on Satan. Apparently my lovely, learning friend had waxed the skin right off, putting me into slight abrasion mode.

So for the next week I fielded questions about my poor eyebrows and dealt with the weird peeling and redness as best I could. My eyebrows looked a little strange but with asymmetrical bangs the asymmetrical brows were not noticeable.

After such a debacle you'd think I would go to a different stylist or at least forgo the brow waxing again. That's where you would be wrong my friend. Four weeks later I decided to repeat the experience.

I thought I would be smart though and said, "please just clean them up, no shaping this time." From what I had read on the internets, this would direct my stylist to remove the weird loose hairs between my eyes and wherever else weird loose hairs grow. On your face. Around your brows. Specifically weird loose brow hairs. Ha, I did not know the enthusiasm that medium-thick, partially regrown brows could release in young stylists.

She showed me the mirror and I nearly screamed "Holy Castiel what are those things?!!!" I now had one upside-down Nike symbol and one kind of nice but definitely shorter and thinner caterpillar. The worst part was, those familiar red second brows were back. I very nicely instead decided to concentrate on what she was doing to my hair. She did a fabulous job, if not for my eyebrows I would have been the the most gorgeous girl in leggings walking down the streets between 5th and 6th south that day. As it was, I couldn't tell if the stares were for my hair, my uneven brows, my second angry brows, or my voluptuous booty. Hey, you're the internet, you can imagine me having a gorgeous booty.

When later close looks in the mirror showed that in certain light my eyes looked bald, (thanks blonde ancestors), I freaked out. Frantic searches of the internet revealed that it could take 2-3 months for full regrowth, and that only expensive brow pencils would fix them to look something close to normal. Asymmetrical bangs could also come to the rescue as well. The stupid second eyebrows were also dramatically different. At least one wasn't as bad as the other. The worse one though was twice as red. Pathetic, I know. I vow though, to never get my brows waxed again. Did just fine on my own with tweezing before, don't need it now. My poor eyebrows.

If you see Satan, please tell him I found his brows. They are on my face. Also if you know anything about eyebrow wigs...let's just say I might be interested.