Thursday, July 25, 2013


Three weeks ago I began a job. It's pretty much just that, a job that will help me survive until I get another job that hopefully pays better and requires less energy. No one told me that being an adult came with such difficulties as CAR PAYMENTS and BILLS. If someone had told me that when I was a teenager, I'm pretty sure I would have refused to become an adult and retreated back to the land of high school for the rest of my life.

Alas, such information was not forthcoming, I think that's part of the trick played on you by parents in order to get you out of the house... Jokes on them though, I just moved in with my grandparents instead!!!! (If anyone knows of some cheap housing and would like to be roommates, please send me the information, I will love you forever!)

Back to the job, as part of this job, actually, the entirety of this job consists of me being outside, in the sun, for 2-8 hours a day. However long it takes me to give up from exhaustion and heatstroke. Because it's summer. And we seem to keep having a streak of 100 degree + days.

Me being the brilliant person that I am, decided two weeks ago that since I was outside all day anyway, I might as well get a nice tan from it. So I decided to start wearing one of those light runner-type shirts that lets your shoulders get exposed to the glorious sunlight.

The day started off well, nice and cool, a few rays of sunlight trickling through the trees and me outside enjoying it as best I knew how. Alright! I thought, Now I'm going to get a cool tan and look so great at my brother's wedding!! Such happy thoughts, too bad I forgot that most of my ancestors are from England and France and Switzerland and other places that don't get a lot of sunlight...

Three hours later....I believe I'm getting a bit sunburned, why yes, I do believe that I'm a little redder than I should be....You can probably guess where this is going. By the time I got back to the car, I was fried. Redder than a lobster and a lot more tender too. Needless to say, I wore normal shirts the rest of the week, had to keep those sunburned shoulders covered.

You know what happens when you get sunburnt? Tan lines. Lots of tan lines. Know what happens when you put sunscreen on your face and neck but not your shoulders and then you start to sweat a lot? More tan lines in weird rivers down your shoulders, it literally looks like a river of white decided to run down my arms. It's quite embarrassing, but still fun to show people.

One day later I went to an improv workshop and decided to randomly trustfall at someone. I think I hurt all the way out to the car and walked like a weird hunchback trying to take the pressure off my shoulders. Kids, don't get sunburned. It causes cancer, just like the entire state of California.

We probably shouldn't go into a week later when I was FINALLY starting to heal, and I came in from work one day to find the entire burned area of my shoulders and upper back was blistered. Like, gross bubbly blisters that were barely under the epidermis. Probably the best part of the entire sunburn was when I decided to slap my hand down on the blisters and they splatted. Everywhere.

Now it's just really peely and itchy and peely some more. I'll survive, but I've got some wicked tan lines to show for it. However, my brother's wedding is coming up in 9 days soooo....there's only one way that I know of to really get rid of tan lines...