Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Benedict Cumberbatch and Haunted Houses

Sunday morning I was lying in graceful repose after a lovely night of scaring unfortunates that happened upon my person. And I started to think, why do I scare people? Can it be helped that they chose to walk into my personal space whilst was minding my own business?
In a dark room?
In costume?
With music and lighting?
And a couple of zombies as backdrops?
They were begging for it; not my fault that a few peed their pants and one couple got so scared they bolted through the exit and into the night... Nope, not my fault at all :) Just to be warned,  I'm one person you never want to encounter in a haunted house.
See! Who could be scared of that adorable face!

Saturday night I learned quite a few things though while performing. Some of them were quite surprising. Here's a few of the things I learned:

1. People treat you with a lot more respect if they think you're a guy.
2. They treat you with even more respect if they think you're about to beat them.
3. Benedict Cumberbatch isn't as smooth in real life as he is in Star Trek, (and is somehow the cooler for it.)
4. I still haven't learned how to keep my voice from being shredded afer 5 hours of screaming at people.


People treat you with a lot more respect if they think you're a guy.
This was interesting to find out. You know, for my entire life I've been a girl. Even my attempts at dressing up like a male are usually given away by my facial bone structure and curves in other places. People just look at me and know that I'm female.
However.....
Saturday night I acheived my best cross-dressing ever. (Note: It's not that I want to be a guy, just that this is really fun to do sometimes :). Nothing lets you know exactly how feminine you are like having a makeup artist try and contour masculine features onto your face! So, I had my eyebrows brought down, a stronger jawline drawn on, contouring to create a male cheekbone, and some other magical makeup stuff to make me look a bit more scary. Then, I put on a suit, tied up my hair and hid it under a hat, and voila!
Meet Durtle, the grave-digger who takes serious selfies...
Okay, so I look like a girl with lines drawn on my face. However, under the lighting in the haunted house I looked like a 16-year old boy pretending to be a creepy old guy. I made my voice all harsh and weird, and when the first people walked through my room I laid into 'em! Best part was when one of them said,
     "Let's go through this door (there were 3 to choose from) that dude seems to know what he's talking about." (emphasis added)
Dude! Guy! It was strangely empowering. The makeup, costume, and most of all voice acting had convinced a few people that I was a guy! Success! I launched into my role with even more enthusiasm.

As a guy, here's what I noticed. People tended to give me more space, as if my personal bubble had become suddenly 2 feet bigger. They listened. They jumped harder when I came after them. Some were genuinely creeped out just by the fact that they couldn't quite tell if I was a guy or girl!
As a girl working in a haunted house, people will walk into your space more unless you are genuinely scary. Some jerks try to mess with you by touching your face, tugging on your clothes, asking for hugs or your phone number. As a 'guy', none of that happened. I had a few girls tell me I was hot, (which was weird) and one girl was like, 'Heey there...'. None of them tried to touch me though, as if I was personally more intimidating and thus deserving of respect.

That's kind of a sad cultural commentary. Not going to get into that but yeah... Sigh, maybe this'll change one day, but at least it's recognizable now.


They treat you with even more respect if they think you're about to beat them.
So, while I giggle to myself about this one, let me explain. I had a cane that night, a lovely shiny metal cane and a lovely, shiny metal coffin that I could hit with the lovely, shiny cane. I had an exquisetly fun time just creating a tremendous racket. Some people came in and wanted to touch the coffin, so I'd let them. Of course, once they were in close I would hit said coffin, making it sound like the occupant was trying to claw his way out. One group in particular I lured in, getting them all to rub the coffin at the same time. Once they were all in really close I whacked the side of the coffin, startling the heck out of them (to the point that a few actually fell down!)

About the fear of beatings = respect, I established to people that I was capable of beating things with the cane, and most of them avoided my space as much as possible. One stupid 15 year old decided to take things a little farther, show off for his friends and whatnot. He started to dance towards me, saying,
'I'mma show this guy who's boss in here'.
So, I took the cane, raised it over my head, and took a few lurching steps towards him. He screamed of course and ran off. People are amazing wimps when it comes to the promise of physical pain.


Benedict Cumberbatch isn't as smooth in real life as he is in Star Trek, (and is somehow the cooler for it.)
Maybe I didn't learn this while working at the haunt, but I did learn it!
Simon Pegg Talks about Benedict Cumberbatch!
Click on said link to YouTube for more information on the subject. Also enjoy a picture of this gorgeous, talented man.
You're welcome :)
I still haven't learned how to keep my voice from being shredded afer 5 hours of screaming at people.
Yeah, It's September, soon to be October. This girl sounds like someone who's been smoking since they were ten, alternated with a prepubescent boy. Squeaky and hoarse all at the same time. Upshot of that though, I sound like a mouse when I'm laughing. Which makes me laugh even harder. Which makes people look at me weird. Which makes me laugh even harder than that. Okay, 'nuff said :)

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