5 Things You Should NEVER Post on Social Media

Some things do not belong on social media. The state of your great-grandma's toenails is one. The insipid teenage whining about how no one likes you is another. Other things are a little harder to decide about. So, I have made a list of 5 things never to post on social media. If you're conflicted about whether or not to put something up, go through this list. If it meets one, or heaven forbid, all of the categories, then save yourself and all of your friends the trouble by not posting.

1. Anything 'Fishy'.
"So Bored."
"Nobody loves me."
"Having a bad day."
"Sigh..."
All of those are just looking for compliments and/or attention. Really? You're so insecure you have to post it on social media for everyone to see? Well excuse me, I'll just throw you a fish!

2. Rants designed to offend.
Rants have their time and place. If you feel passionate about something, by all means share it. However, there are rants that have no place on social media. These are rants that are designed to stir up emotion, to really step on people's toes. These are rants with specific social, political, economical, and other themes. The biggest difference between appropriate rants and inappropriate ones are the ones that state something to the effect of, "And if you think differently then you're dumb." Really? People are designed to have opinions so....

3. Anything with poor grammar or spelling. 
On purpose or not, take the time to enlighten yourself. We are a culture of socially driven people, and often the written word is where people will get their first opinions of you. So fix it. If you don't know what is considered poor grammar or spelling, allow me to shed some light on the subject by means of Weird Al.

4.Family Issues
Again, social media is not the place to air family problems and try to get feedback on them. We don't want to know how much your aunt annoys you, or how you dad won't give you money, or how the super-complicated proceedings of your divorce are going. I've unfriended people for this, the drama is annoying and you may think it's supposed to be important to your entire social circle but I've got news for you, it's not. So get some counseling or something, but keep it off Facebook!


5. Honeymoon photos
This is what irks me the most. Honeymoon photos with the hashtag #sexytime. Please no, for the love of everyone's sanity, do not remind all your friends, family, acquaintances, work buddies, and that random homeless dude you befriended once how you have successfully overcome singledom  and are now in a paradise land getting it on. No one wants to know. Especially not me. There, rant over. If you don't know by now what to keep off social media then there's no help for you.

What other inappropriate uses of social media have you come across? Comments are below, #sexytimecommentsarebest.

Online and Social Media Dating: It's Exhausting

I decided to try online dating again.

Yes, again. I tried it out about a year ago and was met with mixed results. The bottom line became that I just wasn't into it and preferred to focus my social energy on my friend group. (And I went on a date with a guy who said he wanted to eat cats. Note: never EVER say that on a first date. Probably not on a fifth one either unless you're having a heart-to-heart about what lengths you would go to for survival. Not that your reason is you're curious about the taste. Just, ew.)

So I decided to try it again just to see. One reason was that I wanted to expand my range of meeting people. Two was that my BFF made me sign up and I didn't cancel the trial in time and now I'm stuck with a six-month membership. Well, if you're stuck with something you don't really want, you should use it? I guess?

Me: Hmm, a six-month membership. Really? What's the point?
My Brain: You might meet someone you like, remember how it worked for *Merida?
Me: Yeah? What about Velociraptor Man and Beard Dude? Or Zombie Girl and Bendy? Didn't work out for them!
My Brain: All of those people were and are acting within a social construct, meaning they're looking but not ready to accept love, which is why their relationships aren't working out-
Me: Shut up, I hate you.
My Brain: If you can't first love yourself then who will love you?
Me:...
My Brain: Point is, you should use the membership, really try, and see what happens.
Me: I take no responsibility for the fallout, got it?
My Brain: Fair enough.
Me: While we're talking, if you're so smart why am I not in a relationship yet?
My Brain: ....because...uh...you talk to yourself?
Me: .....oh yeah.

As you can tell I was off to a great start. So, despite inner turmoil I constructed a dating profile. I pulled some of my best pictures, a few of my not-so-great ones, and mixed them all together with a witty and compelling personal story to make readers interested in me as a person...
     Welcome to my profile, be warned, if you spontaneously fall in love can't say that I didn't warn you! Okay, obnoxious tagline out of the way...
Well, maybe not as compelling as all that.

So, two months in, here's what I've found.

Online dating is, in a word, exhausting.

The sheer amount of profiles, the names and interests. The people that I message who don't message back. The people who message me that I refuse to message back. The people that message me on the same day ten other people message me and I simply don't have the time to go through them all. The weeks where no one messages me and where I go through loads of self-doubt and loathing. It all happens.

While I can't say I've found a relationship or even been on any dates yet, here's what I can say to those looking for advice, male or female. (If you don't want the advice then too bad, you're stuck reading this so ha! Wait, don't click out! Don't leave meeeee!)

1. Be interesting. Put something in your personal story that makes me smile, makes someone else smile, frown, laugh, basically anything more than...
          "Hey, I'm new to this online thing but thought I'd give it a try! Haha. Don't know what else to say but yeah, I'm interested in a lot of things, message me if you want to know more!"
          I mean, seriously? You're basically forcing me to make a decision on whether to talk to you off your pictures so you better hope you look like a freaking supermodel because I'm sure not talking to you for your amazing personality or way with words at this point. Tell me about your Doctor Who or Psych obsession. How you accidentally pantsed your sister at a football game once. On a scale of one to Heath Ledger as the Joker how much you love ice cream. Just pull a bit of your personality out and let it shine. Or sizzle. Or die like a sparkler on the 4th of July. Whatever, just say something!

2. Put up a Good Picture. Please. Don't leave your profile picture blank, otherwise I'm forced to assume you're a 57 year old pedophile who looks like Christopher Walken and sleeps with his mother's dead ashes at night.

3. Don't Take It Personally if They Don't Message You Back. Flipping to third person here, so you wrote a cute and flirty one-liner and sent it off. And...they never messaged you back. "What was wrong with that?" you cry in frustration. "Why don't the people I'm interested in get back to me?" Answer; they're busy. They got ten other messages that day. Their dog died. Reruns of The Office are on. Whatever, don't take it personally.

4. Do Take It Personally If They Don't Message You Back. All you did was send a smiley face and say "Hey."? Or, "Hey, I like your smile."? Don't do that. Don't be that person. Remember rule #1? Be interesting. If someone is forced to pick and choose who they interact with that day, they're going to pick the person who decided to tell them about how they went on a trip to Sochi. Or a trip to their backyard. Or how they pantsed their sister at a football game. Anything that is more interesting then a 'hey'. Take it personally and change what you're doing.

5. Look Within Your Age Range. Seriously, all you 35 year old males, there are tons of 35 year old women out there who love running marathons and cooking and would love to meet an attractive, smart male who is their age. What are you doing messaging me? Now I'm not ruling out that age differences can work. For example, Benedict Cumberbatch is 37 and I think we would work very well together. However, in online dating you need to be able to establish common ground, (any dating really) and at this point we grew up in different decades and didn't even watch the same cartoons! Oh, and all you 18-20 year olds who are messaging me, what are you thinking? I've got siblings your age and that's just weird.
          Honestly, a large age difference can make it hard to connect with your partner. Relationships are based on common ground and mutual respect. If you're male, don't look beyond 5 or so years younger and most likely 2-3 years older. If you're female, 5 years or so older and 2-3 years younger. This is a maturity thing, and there's a reason the majority of people stay within this range. Age combinations other than this can work, but usually don't.

6. Have a Sense of Humor About It. Now, this isn't saying that you need to be funny. Just don't take it too seriously and be able to laugh at all the things that happen. For example, I got a message from a guy who told me instantly that he wanted to lock me up in his basement. Well, not really, here's the actual message:
Hello Dear,
How are you doing today?
I believe you are doing great!
I must confess,that your profile is simple and honest.Am confident that we are a great match.Hopefully you reply me to witness the birth of a wonderful,loving,caring and honest relationship that will last forever till death do us part.The Lord is our guide and protection.
Till I hear from you.
Stay blessed.
Yours,
*IGIVEOFFCREEPYVIBESWITHIN2SENTENCES

I heard once that you shouldn't be discouraged if you have stalkers or creepers. Just because they're stalkers doesn't mean they have bad taste! Roll with it, laugh, move on, and for heaven's sake don't message these ones back.

7. Look for A Connection Through Communication. In the end, we're all doing this so we can meet someone that we could spend the rest of our lives with. We've all got that common ground, so take that into account. When you're talking to someone, keep that in mind. Think about how hard this journey's been for you. It's been just as hard for them, if not harder. Make an effort to reach out, speak to the other person, and really connect. You'll be rewarded greatly, and the amount of effort you put in is what you'll get out of it.


That's all I've got to say. Looking through all the profiles and getting the constant rejection as well as the constant interaction is exhausting. You may think it's not worth it but in the end, you're learning something with each interaction, each date, and that helps get you one step closer to your goal in the end. So many people get burned out and swear off dating. Don't be that person, take a step back if you need to and enjoy the ride. Mr or Mrs right could be right around the corner, that next profile, and you wouldn't want to miss out! Besides, at the very least you'll get some good stories out of it.

*Notes: All names have been changed for privacy and comedy's sake. Also I've been away for awhile. Not really away, more like, just busy doing other stuff. If you want the end of the Sherlock story, message me. It was getting the lowest views so I stopped posting it. Can't promise I won't go away again, busy with school and work and such, also actually writing a book which takes up writing time, but anyway, hope you enjoyed the post!*

You Don't Exist: The Social Media Plague

Do you exist if you don't have a Facebook? A Twitter? A Snapchat address? What if you don't have a phone? Do you exist as a person?

The answer is sadly, becoming more and more a solid: NO.

You don't exist if you don't have a Facebook that connects you with friends and future employers and serves as your login for GooglePlus and Tumblr. You don't exist if you don't have a phone number that you can be quickly and easily reached at. You will be excluded from dating if you don't join Tinder, and from communicating with your friends if you can't respond to their Snapchats.

Maybe I'm being a little dramatic here, but it's the truth. I see more and more people that are constantly glued to their mobile devices, unable to look up and connect with anyone in real life. In many people's worlds, their true connections are only with people through the digital media. If you don't have a profile, an avatar, a page, a number or a name there, where are you?

I have a flip-phone. An old Verizon brand phone that only plays the most basic of games and can't receive video or any special characters. It doesn't do Instagram or email, and definitely doesn't have a 24-hr connection with Facebook. Although I want a new smartphone, I am content to do with my old version until I can comfortably afford one. And what I'm finding out is...I'm starting to not exist in the terms of my peers.

That's scary, to be considered as not existing.

So let's look at this here, each different form of communication is the same as having a voice. Granted, we have several voices now-days, but hear me out. If you cannot speak, do you exist? Logically you do not. If you don't have a Facebook page, you don't exist in the Facebook world. If you don't have a smartphone with Snapchat, you don't exist in Snapchatland.

Inability to communicate + lack of connection to specific social media = nonexistance

Think about that for a moment. You. Don't. Exist. "But wait..." you say, thinking you have found the loophole. "I DO have a Snapchat and Instagram and Twitterfeed and YouTube page. I have the connections therefore I MUST exist." Let me ask again, do you have a Pinterest? A Bebo? A deviantART page? What about Flickr or LinkedIn? Tagged? Xt3? Don't even get me started on all the versions of Facebook that there are. Faces.com, Faceparty (UK exclusive) and FriendFace. (Ok, FriendFace is fictional, but are you starting to catch my drift?) There are several of these sites and many more that I haven't even named where you don't have a page and thus, you don't exist. In fact, you don't exist on several different levels.

You. Don't. Exist.

"I am a real person! I DO exist! I'll prove it!" So you say, but in a world where the only real communication happens via some form of technology, if you don't have that technology you don't exist.

Let me illustrate a few things here. I was out with some friends the other night. I jumped in the car, excited to begin the adventure and started to say hi to people. "Hi! What's up? I've got a story to...." I petered off. Nobody was listening. The entire car, crammed full of people, were collectively glued to their phones. Even the driver (who was still in park mode) was quickly answering a few texts and searching for a new song playlist.

I was completely at a loss. Do I try to interrupt my friends to talk to them? Do I sit and wait for them to finish? Do I pull out my phone and pretend I have important phone stuff to do too? I was in a car full of people, and not one of them was acknowledging my real-life presence. I thought, is this really what our world is becoming? And I felt lonely, for even though I was there with them, I did not exist. I decided for an in-between strategy. After waiting an appropriate amount of time and trying to start a conversation, I pulled out my phone. After fiddling with the settings on my obviously high-tech flip phone, I decided to text the person sitting next to me.
*Texting! I just wanted to hear the sound again :)* Message sent
Semi-success, awkward conversation was achieved for the remainder of the ride. Which made me happy, awkward conversation is better than no conversation! In fact, I specialize in awkward conversation that makes people wonder if I have any social skillz whatsoever. I don't, thanks for asking, but I pretend to.

There have been studies done that say our generation is the most prone to loneliness and depression. I believe it. There is a chemical reason we enjoy socializing with real people, and without getting into details the fact remains that humans are social animals. While social media makes us feel closer and feel like we have more people to interact with, in reality we are just fooling ourselves. An evening at home, lying on your bed and texting people is infinitely less satisfying than an evening spent talking and laughing with real people. You get to see facial expressions, touch them, smell them (even if you don't want to) and above all, form a real connection.

So I don't exist in Snapchat, Tumblr, or Friendface. I am semi-okay with that. I would like to exist in Snapchat and have a GPS as a phone. You probably don't exist in Instagram or Pinterest. That's okay. I would like to be okay with existing in less social media than I do. I would like to say that I don't depend on Facebook to connect me to people, but I do. It's a complicated situation, I want to be more connected than I really am, but at the same time dislike that I have this need. I'm not perfect, and I bet we all fight with this more than we want to say. I would like to be a hardcore advocate of NO CELL PHONES in buildings and stuff, but I'm not. I see their benefits, and I like knowing when I'm going to get a text.

Point of this blog, 

You Don't Exist. 

And you know what? 

That's okay. 

It really is. 

I know you don't believe me, but try to. Social media serves a good purpose, but too much of a good thing can kill you. So your friends are all on Twitter and make fun of you for being a Reddit user instead. That's okay, maybe you could take your evening Reddit time and go to a coffee shop instead. Even if you don't get anything, go hang out. Meet some new people. Go to a place where cellphones are off-limits and see how well you get along with others when they can't reach you for an hour.

It's no mistake that my two best friends in the entire world have the same love-hate relationship with technology that I do and are slightly behind in social media as well. We have things in common because we can talk face-to-face for hours and never get tired of it. I love finding people like that, people that aren't afraid to be unconnected from the interwebs for a few hours. These are always the most real, most interesting people. They haven't lost their ability to communicate beyond 160 characters.

A few last thoughts, have you ever seen someone who is practically addicted to their phone? They can't go more than 2-3 minutes without pulling it out and checking something. They may even go an hour or two, but it's rare. Now, have you seen that same person when their phone battery dies and they can't plug it in? They look lost. Their eyes get a blankness, and they can't seem to focus on any conversation. It's sad, but it's true. Please don't be that person. Try not existing for awhile in social media, and maybe you'll start existing in real life instead.

Inspiration:
Feed by M.T. Anderson 

Also, this video here. Just watch it, 2 minutes from your life.