My Promise to My Children: The Kind of Mother I Will Be

After writing this, I realized this is a much deeper blog than I usually write. I wanted to publish it though, as I think it's important. Let me know what you think. 

My Promise to My Children

The Kind of Mother I Will Be

I will not set a curfew for my children. Not because I don't care about them, but because I DO care. Because I will teach my children how to check in with me. Because each situation is different, because I'm not going to insist on an 11pm curfew on Prom Night. Because I will trust my children to be intelligent enough to be responsible for their hours. Because I know teenagers need to push limits, and the last one I want to have is one about time, because I understand that without a specific time to be home they will be less likely to need to stay out late pushing an envelope that isn't there. And because I will make damn sure that they know if they're not home at the time they've told me or if they don't check in, I will be calling the police, knocking on doors, and otherwise raising hell until I figure out where they are.

I will read them piles of books. I will take them to the library and teach them that story time is magical. I will introduce them to Harry Potter and Katniss Everdeen and Frodo Baggins and Robert Jordan and George Orwell and David Wong. I have them meet Bill Peet and Dr. Seuss and Roald Dahl. I will never make them read See Spot Run to me. I will teach them about classics and how some of them are bollocks. Because to love books is to love what humans are. Because when you are curled up with a book you can feel infinitely alive. Because reading makes you smarter. Because there are more worlds than you can ever imagine and the only way you can visit is through books. Because imagination will always trump the big screen.

I will make them eat oatmeal for breakfast. I will make them eat spinach and green beans and quinoa and whole wheat. Because there are better things in this world than ketchup and mac & cheese (namely, creme brulee). Because they need to know that nutrition is important and they need to be concerned about what they put in their bodies. I will teach them how to eat the things they don't like, because they need to know how to do this to not hurt their future mother-in-law's feelings (and mine on bad cooking days).

I will make them get a summer job. Because they need to learn to be responsible. Because the only way they will learn about money is by having some. Because I will not give them an allowance. Because I will be working too and will need a break.

I will teach them how to chew with their mouths closed. I will teach them to keep elbows off the table. I will teach them to swallow quietly, not lick fingers or plates. I will teach them not to slurp. Because good manners are the last surviving bits of royalty in our blood and so when they are grandparents they won't be sucking on their fingers and embarrassing their grandchildren. Because they will likely marry someone with the same table manners as them (having driven away any potential suitors with better manners).

I will let them go visit their grandparents for a week without me. Because they need to visit their grandparents and learn how to love them. Because their grandparents are my parents, and will always be wiser than me and have more experience about raising children. Because I will enjoy a week to myself. Because they will enjoy getting spoiled for a week. Because both parties will be glad to return to normal after that time frame.

I will teach them to run. I will teach them to love the thrill of exercise. I will show them how to care for

themselves, how to be fit. Because through running, you can find yourself. Because my children will not be ones that sit on their rears all day and break into a sweat walking from the house to the car. Because the zombie apocalypse might come and they need to be able to run faster than their friends.

I will teach them how to have dreams. I will teach them how to reach for them and support them. I will teach them to be acheiver's. I will teach them to love learning so they can go anywhere they want. I will have dreams and reach for them. Because dreams are the stuff that make life worth living.

I want to be the kind of mother who teaches her daughters about skin care so they don't have to go through the same pain that I did trying to figure it out on their own. I will take them to dermatologists and teach them how to wash twice a day and leave pimples alone. I will show them how to love themselves even on 'bad skin' days by doing that myself. I will understand the crippling fear and shame that comes when your skin is so broken out you don't even want to look people in the eye. I will teach them how milk and sugars can make acne worse, and how gentle olive oil face washes can make it better. I will teach them how to care for their skin. Because I wish my parents had known more about this and hadn't avoided talking to me about it.

I will teach them who Benedict Cumberbatch is. Just because.

I will teach them how to make good choices in music. I will teach them how to have opinions in what they like and dislike. I will teach them that country music can be enjoyed, and that some rap music has a message.  I will teach them to adore indie rock and Weird Al. I will teach them to appreciate more than shallow pop music, and I will dance along with them to the current heartthrobs that are permeating pop airwaves. Because they need to know how not to be swayed by the ever-changing top-40's chart. Because they shouldn't have to wait until they are 40 to learn what good music is. Because to love music is to love life itself.

I will talk to them about sex. I will love them enough not to be embarrassed or cry when they come to me with proof that their bodies are maturing. I will teach them to love their bodies as they grow and change. I will be the kind of mother they can ask those frank and embarrassing questions to. I will not laugh when they ask me what a donkey punch is. I will be the one they aren't afraid to ask so they don't have to learn the hard way from their friends or be confused when their roommates start talking about things. I will not be accepting of loose morals, and I will teach them how to stay true to themselves. Because children need someone who they can trust to talk about these things, otherwise who are they going to turn to?

If I have a son or daughter who is homosexual, I will love them. I won't be a parent who shuts them out, tries to pretend that part of their life doesn't exist. I will love them, accept them, and be there for them. Because in doing this I will be the parent that they need, not the parent that religion or the world or fear says I should be.

I will love my husband. I will marry a spouse who knows how to listen to me, and who will talk to me about the hard things in life. I will choose someone who is gentle, smart, nerdy, and loving. I will marry someone who is strong in the gospel. I will marry 'the nice guy' who knows how to be his own person. Who isn't clingy, but isn't so independent that he doesn't consult me about important things like who we're inviting along on our road trips. I will be true to him and make him happy. Because by loving my husband and choosing someone who makes me happy, I will be showing my children by example how to choose a good spouse.

Most of all, I will love them. Because I'm their mother, and that's what mothers do.

9 Ways a Theatre Degree Trumps a Business Degree

Reblogging this from http://changeagent.wordpress.com/2013/09/13/9-ways-a-theatre-degree-trumps-a-business-degree/, because it's amazing and I think all theatre people need to see this.

9 Ways a Theatre Degree Trumps a Business Degree

September 13, 2013 — Brian

Some of you may know this about me, some may not. Despite having spent the last 15 years as a PR & communications professional, my college degree is in theatre. I have never in my life taken a marketing class, or a journalism class, or a business class. Yet, by most measures, I’m enjoying a successful career in business.  ”So what?” you ask… read on.
I was having a conversation with a friend this week. She’s an actress. Like most actresses, she also has a Day Job that she works to pay the bills between acting jobs. This is the reality for most working actors in LA, New York and the other major centers of the entertainment industry. She was pointing out to me that she viewed her theatre background as a weakness in her Day Job career field, and that it was holding her back. She asked for my advice.
My advice? There IS no weakness in having a theatre background. There is only strength. Here are just a few skills that a theatre degree gave me that have served me enormously well in business:

1. You have advanced critical thinking and problem solving skills: taking a script and translating it into a finished production is a colossal exercise in critical thinking. You have to make tremendous inferences and intellectual leaps, and you have to have a keen eye for subtle clues. (believe it or not, this is a skill that very few people have as finely honed as the theatre people I know. That’s why I listed it #1).
2. You’re calm in a crisis: You’ve been on stage when somebody dropped a line and you had to improvise to keep the show moving with a smile on your face, in front of everyone. Your mic died in the middle of a big solo musical number. You just sang louder and didn’t skip a beat.
3. You understand deadlines and respect them: Opening Night is non-negotiable. Enough said.
4. You have an eye on audience perception: You know what will sell tickets and what will not. This is a very transferrable skill, and lots of theatre people underestimate this, because they think of theatre as an ART, and not as a BUSINESS. I frequently say (even to MBA-types) that theatre was absolutely the best business education I could have gotten. While the business majors were buried in their books and discussing theory, we were actually SELLING a PRODUCT to the PUBLIC. Most business majors can get through undergrad (and some MBA programs, even) without ever selling anything. Theater departments are frequently the only academic departments on campus who actually sell anything to the public. Interesting, isn’t it?
5. You’re courageous: If you can sing “Oklahoma!” in front of 1,200 people, you can do anything.
6. You’re resourceful: You’ve probably produced “The Fantasticks” in a small town on a $900 budget. You know how to get a lot of value from minimal resources.
7. You’re a team player: You know that there are truly no small roles, only small actors. The show would fail without everyone giving their best, and even a brilliant performance by a star can be undermined by a poor supporting cast. We work together in theatre and (mostly) leave our egos at the stage door. We truly collaborate.
8. You’re versatile: You can probably sing, act, dance. But you can also run a sewing machine. And a table saw. And you’ve probably rewired a lighting fixture. You’ve done a sound check. You’re good with a paintbrush. You’re not afraid to get your hands dirty for the benefit of the show. In short, you know how to acquire new skills quickly.
9. You’re flexible: you’ve worked with some directors who inspired you. Others left you flat, but you did the work anyway. Same goes with your fellow actors, designers and stagehands… some were amazing and supportive, others were horrible and demoralizing to work with (we won’t name names). You have worked with them all. And learned a little something from every one of them.

These are the top reasons I’ve found my theatre degree to be a great background for a business career. What are yours?

Saga of the Car-less

It has been 1 month since my car died. When I say died, I mean that the engine totally seized up and needed to be entirely replaced. The cost would have been about 4 times more than the car was worth sooooo.......scrap heap for little neon.

Pictured: Not my car

As I was watching my little car get towed away a few thoughts went through my head. One was, "Oh, I forgot to take the steering wheel cover off." Another was that, "Great, it's like my best friend actually died." The reality was that I didn't have a job because I'd quit to go back to school. However, school had fallen through due to financial difficulties, (except for one class) and now I didn't even have a car. So, no money, no car, no classes, and no job.

Those of you who regularly get along without cars are probably going to laugh, but one thing that set in right away was a feeling of severe limitation in regards to my lifestyle. I was used to taking myself places, and now  it because a huge deal just to get myself to the store. I refused to be a mooch so I wouldn't ask for rides anywhere, just stayed home. It felt pretty awful.

One thing I decided was that being car-less gave me the right to mope. I figured, since I didn't have a car or a job, how could I be expected to really do anything? I lay around for about a week, moping and doing nothing other than the bare minimum. I applied for a few jobs, sure, but who would want to hire a car-less bum? Luckily, I still had one class to attend, and that finally got me moving. But I didn't have a car and how could anyone function without one?

Function I must soooo... I decided to learn to ride the bus. Disclaimer here, I absolutely hate the bus. It's loud, slow, smelly, and you have to share with other...interesting...people. On my first trip I got carsick (bus-sick?) and got left at the wrong stop. I had to wait an hour for the next bus, and then I got off a few stops too early by accident and ended up 3 miles from where I was supposed to be. At night. Alone. In the dark. With a heavy book bag. Luckily some random stranger rescued me after a mile of walking and drove me the rest of the way. The next time I had class I was able to figure it out and got off the bus in the correct spot at the correct time. I still hate the bus though.

After the bus, I discovered I could bike. Even if it was cold and winter, there are such inventions called a coat and gloves. I also discovered I could ask people for rides. Who'd have thought? Some will even go so far as to lend you their car for a trip. Weird, but people do a lot for a tank of gas these days.

Once I realized that there were other methods of transportation out there, I learned some interesting things. For one, it was pretty much my fault for feeling stuck, as there were plenty of options for travel that don't consist of you having your own, personal car. Second, people are actually quite nice and willing to help you out. Especially if you can be a bit flexible and provide good conversation. Third, I learned, and am still learning, patience. Also assertiveness. Last; if there's a will there's a way, and I'm darned if I haven't missed a single class even without a car. Late sure, but always there!

Pictured: My new car

I still don't have a car. But I'm getting by. I have been surprised by people's kindness and hope I can repay it someday. Not having a car is no excuse for not accomplishing something. I think that applies to pretty much everything in life. It's been hard for me to realize, it's easy to tell myself that I can mope around because I don't have a car or job and just wait for something to happen. That's not how life works though. Car-less, jobless, even money-less, you'll figure out what you need to progress if you can open your mind a bit and diligently work.

Hopefully soon I'll find a job and a dilapidated piece of junk that still works and can transport me. Until I do, I'll keep learning from this state of being. After all, not having a car is actually a perfect excuse to get that cute guy (or gal) to give you a ride :)

Just working on a Saturday, GOALS!!!!!

So I'm at work, and I realized I start a lot of sentances with So, but that's beside the point. Anyway, after getting here late because no joke, a boat was literally having the lifejackets sucked out by the wind as it drove down the highway, and they were kind of a road hazard, I proceeded to go into work overload and finished 80 emails in 4 hours. That's really good, that's like 20 emails per hour. Consider that the minimum emails per hour (for bonus qualification) is 7 and you hit the max bonus at 12, I did 32 emails that I will never ever get paid for. fun.
That aside, I realize I get extremely bored with this, so I invent games with the emails to keep busy. There's the 12 per hour game, the 3 per 15 minute, the load 3 and see how quickly they can get answered, the 15 per hour if I'm on ADD speed, and then there's UK speed, which is turtle slow. No one will understand what I just said, but that's about my state of mind most days!
Here's what I want to accomplish in the next year:
Turn 24
Get my Biology degree
Apply for Physician's Assistant School
Start a haunted house
Write a book and submit it to a publisher (or self-publish as a Kindle miniseries on Amazon, which would take less time and might make more money, just get the book written)
Lose 30 lbs (I'll settle for 20 though)
Start a YouTube channel just for kicks (I'll do a Let's Play of Thief: Deadly Shadows. I need a better computer though....)
I think that about lays it out, I'll put more on here as I think of them. Yay!