OPERATION: Date

This morning, I got up, ran downstairs in an exceptionally good mood, sat down to breakfast, and then was told by my handler that I had a surprise assignment that I had to accomplish. The details are pretty classified, but I can reveal this. It is a secret undercover mission to happen in the dark, and under several pretenses. This mission has a specific timeframe, and must be carried out by March 5th, at the Centerpoint Theatre at 7:30 pm. Mission? Find a willing male counterpart to agree to carry out the  operation of: Watching several people sing and dance on stage and hope that things don't get too awkward.

This clandestine business at once sent my adrenaline levels through the roof, who knows how dangerous something like this may turn out? I could be scorned, mocked, shunned even. However, if carried out successfully, I could achieve a level of balance that will result in either mild awkwardness and another undercover agreement never to speak of it again, or it could (perhaps) lead to more secret missions with the same secret agent.

I decided immediately that I could not risk such a dangerous business and immediately appealed to my superiors. My appeal was denied, and I was given a counter-offer that if I did not find my own male counterpart, one would be provided and that would almost certainly prove to be unpleasant.

A secret agent brain

With approximately two weeks to the mission, I have no time to waste. I started by reviewing all my files of eligible secret agents. The list was unfortunately small, and took about 30 seconds to reject everyone included. There are a few agents not on my list that pose a possibility  however I have not built up a rapport with any of them yet to the level that I would trust this mission to be carried out with dignity and seriousness. I could pose an appeal again, ask for an extension, but this would result in revoking of rights within the company, something I cannot afford in my now weakened state.

Result: I reluctantly acknowledge that I need assistance in finding a secret agent to carry out my mission.
Requirements: Must be male, within the ages of 21 to 28, unattached to any other business partners at the moment, and preferably able to quote James Bond at the drop of a hat.

If you see or know of anyone who would accept and perhaps even enjoy such type of mission, please have them apply. All expenses will be taken care of, agent must provide their own transportation. Agent C out.

***This is an encrypted document, destroy after reading***