A Year of Dates

My To-Do List of Dates

How all couples should meet

For quite some time now I've run into this problem. What to do on the date upon which I'm about to embark? Now dates can be simple, complex, long, or short, but they all have one thing in common. Two people going out in order to get to know each other better. Whether you've been on one date or a million, this is always important. All too often, I run into the trap of, "What do ya wanna do?" "I don't know whadda you wanna do? "I don't know...let's do something!"



So, in hopes of avoiding the dreaded trap, I have compiled my rather lengthy list of date ideas. This is the 'bucket list' of dates, I want to do all of these someday. My goal in coming up with the ideas was simple, fun, and inexpensive. Now, this has been tailored to those who live in the Salt Lake area, but you can easily adapt the specific places I've mentioned (Asylum 49 for your fav local haunted house for example) and you'll have more dates than you can sneeze at. Without further ado, here they are!

1. Picnic in the park
2. Walk Gateway mall and run through the fountain
3. Try all the frozen yogurt stores nearby and pick a favorite.
4. Sneak into Lagoon using the resident pass just to ride the Superman. (My name for the one that drops you from 400 feet in a huge swing.)
5. Explore that old, creepy barn. At night. And take pictures.
6. Make out in the middle of the mall.
7. Each of you compile a CD of fav songs and then listen to them together.
8. Go to library together and pick out a book for the other person to read.
9. Climb to flag on mountain.
10. Go hot-tubbing, preferably somewhere you're not supposed to, like a hotel you didn't check in at.
11. Go waterskiing.
12. Weekend trip to Yellowstone or Jackson Hole or wherever you can get in 8 hrs of driving.
13. Go to a store, pick out outfits for each other, try them on. Laugh.
14. Try out the Twilight Concert Series in Salt Lake, just to laugh at the bands.
15. Write a short story one evening, switching off each paragraph with the other person.
16. Quiet dinner and movie at the house, but don't really watch the movie.
17. Sneak into the others workplace and kidnap them for 5 minutes to kiss in a closet.
18. Film a Vine together.
19. Walk around the downtown and take pictures of the graffiti.
20. Take the other person to your place of work and show them off.
21. Play video games.
22. Make a ridiculous music video together.
23. Go apartment shopping, even if neither of you has any interest in moving.
24. Try that crazy dance club.
25. Go to a bar with live music and order super fruity drinks.
26. Pretty much any excuse to kiss, hold hands, or make out. Find the excuses.
27. Make costumes together.
28. TP one of your arch-enemies houses.
29. Spend the evening looking up how to say, "I love you" in 20 different languages.
30. Have a nerf-gun fight. Or water balloon fight.
31. Go swimming. Preferably where neither of you have been.
32. Speaking of that, go wading in the Tempe square reflecting pool.
33. Go to Idaho just to go horseback riding.
34. Trampoline park anyone?
35. Paintball with friends, but ditch the friends on the way home.
36. Sneak into a theatre just to hold impromptu performances for each other.
37. Make your fav dinner for them.
38. Get some friends and a large, dark building and play sardines. (Reverse of hide-and-go seek. One person hides, everyone goes to find them and once you find them, you hide with them.)
39. Camping.
40. Show up unexpectedly at the other persons house with a random gift, stay only 10 minutes but kiss the whole time.
41. Climb to the top of a random skyscraper just to see what's up there.
42. Give each other a foot massage.
43. Go ice-blocking.
44. Climb a tree.
45. Organize a movie outside.
46. Go sledding.
47. Build an igloo and have a picnic.
48. Go on a hike.
49. Go to Nicklemania (or other and spend the whole time playing 2 person games, or challenging the other person, or just having fun.
50. Fid the weirdest restaurant you can and eat there.
51. Find the closest cheap concert and go, no matter the band.
52. Go to a museum, imitate the displays and take pictures.
53. Explore a big old, or big new library.
54. Find a farmer's market and pretend to be an old Russian married couple. Confuse the heck out of everyone you meet.
55. Go rock-climbing.
56. Find a weird TV show on Netflix and watch an episode. Write a review online.
57. Find a really old, dumb movie and riff-trax it. (As in, heckle.)
58. Go through a haunted house just to hang on tight to each other. (Asylum 49, Castle of Chaos, Fear Factory, or the best one, Nightmare on 13th)
59. Make up a dance routine to your song together, pretend you're on Dancing With the Stars.
60. Karaoke night.
61. Take a horse-carriage ride.

There, more than a year's worth of ideas, even if you do more than one a week on occasion. Dating is important, whether you're brand-new to the scene or married 50 years. The worst thing you can do is get stuck in a rut. I once dated a guy that only wanted to sit on his couch and stare at the wall while he fell asleep. AFTER I'd driven to his house, at his request, because..... he didn't have any ideas? Still confused as to why I did that. Needless to say, Mr. Boring didn't last long in the romantic scene of my life.

Have some give and take, but don't say no to something just because it seems weird or hard or you've never done it before. Try that sushi, you may even like it. At the very least you'll say, "Well, I'm doing something that I didn't do yesterday." That's what life's really about, finding the adventure. Have fun dating! And whatever you do, don't feed the homeless on 400 South, they bite.

A Kiss Backstage

A hug in the dark,
turns into a kiss.
Not just one, but two
then three.

Others were looking,
wondering what was going on
You didn't care,
you went for it.

In that moment I realized I loved you.

No filters, no barriers,
just you,
pure and without walls.

I'm already with someone else,
someone whom I've been trying hard with,
but the kiss showed me what could be,
excitement, fun, something different.

You've been there every week,
looking for me,
waiting for me,
asking how I was, what I was doing.

Why didn't I see that before,
reciprocate?
It's too late now,
when you kissed me I ran.

I was scared of what it meant,
scared of the possibilities,
scared of changing my path,
but realizing slowly,

We're meant to be together.
I have to see this other thing out first.
See if he's interested,
as much as you seem to be.

I admire your patience,
the way you wait, take things slow,
just relax and let things flow
Will you wait for me?

Only time will tell,
if kisses in the dark,
stolen and surprised,
means what I think it does.

Randomest Date Ever

So I went on a date the other day. I tend to go on those occasionally, especially considering that I do some of the asking. This date turned out to be one of the more exciting and unusual ones I've been on for awhile, so I thought I'd relate the particular occasion.

My date on this particular occasion was a guy I've known for some time, who happens to be a snappy dresser with a flair for detail, tending towards 1920's. You know, a red belt here, fingerless gloves there, suit jacket with an asymmetrical seam to set it apart from the others, that sort of thing. I promise this plays into the story. So my date, let's call him Snappy 1920's Man, showed up wearing a black button-up shirt, dark semi-skinny jeans, and a red punk belt with black sneakers. He looked pretty awesome, not gonna lie.

We went to a scary movie because despite the angelic features of Snow Angel, she does tend towards the dark and gruesome on occasion. The movie was excellent, as was the reactions of the audience and Snow Angel's date (Yup, gonna be in third person, deal with it :) and afterwards it was still early enough that we weren't quite ready go home. So, my date turns to me and asks;

SNAPPY 1920's MAN: So, you know that really creepy staircase in the movie?

SNOW ANGEL: Yes?

SNAPPY 1920's MAN: I know a place that's got a staircase that's at least 3 times as creepy as that one.

SNOW ANGEL: Oh really? Is this place hypothetical or real?

SNAPPY 1920's MAN: Oh it's real, it's out back of my best friend's house in this awesome old barn I used to play in all the time.

SNOW ANGEL: Cool.

SNAPPY 1920's MAN: Do you want to see it?

SNOW ANGEL: ...Uh, yeah!

And off we go to find this old barn with the presumably creepy staircase. This date has suddenly taken the most interesting turn of pretty much any date that I have ever been on. That's saying something, because in the last summer I've been taken to a trampoline park, ziplining, and a few pretty crazy concerts. Some part of my brain was wondering at how intelligent I was being to agree to go to a deserted old barn in practically the middle of the night for a first date, but the adventurous side was like Cool! Let's do it! Woot!

Upon arrival at the path to the old barn (whose location shall remain secret), 1920's Man decided that Snow Angel needed a piggy back ride into the barn to save her shoes, which were flimsy lace flats, not at all appropriate for exploring an old barn at night. He gallantly carried me through the high grass and then, seemingly in a clearing, set me down.

SNAPPY 1920's MAN: We're here.

SNOW ANGEL: Here? Is this the barn?

SNAPPY 1920's MAN: Oh yeah, it's just dark (turns on a flashlight, revealing a huge old 1800's barn that has suddenly materialized around us.)

SNOW ANGEL: Whoa! This is awesome!

SNAPPY 1920's MAN: Watch out for the holes in the floor, I've put my foot through it a few times. (Points out two smaller holes that are approximately foot-sized)

SNOW ANGEL: ...Okay.

We poke around for a bit, looking at hay and owl droppings and holes in the ceiling, probably the coolest and creepiest place I've ever seen. The wind rubbed the tree branches against the roof making the neatest creaking sounds I've ever heard. I'd use this place for recording sound bites for a scary movie if I ever choose to make one.

My brain had kind of deserted me at that point. After midnight my conversation either becomes honest to the point of bluntness or even rudeness, or stops working altogether. At this point it was supplying comments such as, 'This place is so awesome!' or 'Did you ever spend the night here?'... Most intelligent comments ever spoken on a date, I know. So, what happened next completely discombobulated me.

SNAPPY 1920's MAN: Want to go see the staircase now?

SNOW ANGEL: Sure.

*Enormous cracking and creaking sound erupts from the floor*

SNAPPY 1920's MAN: *Plummets through floor*

SNOW ANGEL: Whaaa!?!?!?

Luckily my date did not fall completely through, thus sparing me from having to call 911. We did finish the date without further mishap, although I did receive this humorous text from him after getting dropped off at home.

TEXT: Sad day, get home, get ready to clean my pants and the Entire crotch is ripped haha.. Buh bye pants

I practically woke the house up laughing, and that finished off the best/most adventurous/scary date ever.

OPERATION: Date

This morning, I got up, ran downstairs in an exceptionally good mood, sat down to breakfast, and then was told by my handler that I had a surprise assignment that I had to accomplish. The details are pretty classified, but I can reveal this. It is a secret undercover mission to happen in the dark, and under several pretenses. This mission has a specific timeframe, and must be carried out by March 5th, at the Centerpoint Theatre at 7:30 pm. Mission? Find a willing male counterpart to agree to carry out the  operation of: Watching several people sing and dance on stage and hope that things don't get too awkward.

This clandestine business at once sent my adrenaline levels through the roof, who knows how dangerous something like this may turn out? I could be scorned, mocked, shunned even. However, if carried out successfully, I could achieve a level of balance that will result in either mild awkwardness and another undercover agreement never to speak of it again, or it could (perhaps) lead to more secret missions with the same secret agent.

I decided immediately that I could not risk such a dangerous business and immediately appealed to my superiors. My appeal was denied, and I was given a counter-offer that if I did not find my own male counterpart, one would be provided and that would almost certainly prove to be unpleasant.

A secret agent brain

With approximately two weeks to the mission, I have no time to waste. I started by reviewing all my files of eligible secret agents. The list was unfortunately small, and took about 30 seconds to reject everyone included. There are a few agents not on my list that pose a possibility  however I have not built up a rapport with any of them yet to the level that I would trust this mission to be carried out with dignity and seriousness. I could pose an appeal again, ask for an extension, but this would result in revoking of rights within the company, something I cannot afford in my now weakened state.

Result: I reluctantly acknowledge that I need assistance in finding a secret agent to carry out my mission.
Requirements: Must be male, within the ages of 21 to 28, unattached to any other business partners at the moment, and preferably able to quote James Bond at the drop of a hat.

If you see or know of anyone who would accept and perhaps even enjoy such type of mission, please have them apply. All expenses will be taken care of, agent must provide their own transportation. Agent C out.

***This is an encrypted document, destroy after reading***