Thursday, March 28, 2013

Everything Shall Happen at Once

From henceforth today you shall read the rant of the Everythings. Things that clump shall stay clumped, and empty space shall be nothing but open space. Everything shall happen at once, or not at all.
(Law of Everthings chapter 2, section 4.16)
If Chaos was a picture, this is what my brain would look like. 

I have decided that the universe is rather lazy, and likes to clump everything together to save effort. Especially along the time-continuum of things. Haven't you noticed that nothing will happen for ages on end, you'll have weekend after weekend free of anything social or even important to do, then suddenly three of your friends will call and invite you to paintballing, hiking, or a show all on the same night. At the same time. You haven't noticed that?

Okay girls, all the single ladies that read my blog. That's at least 3 people, right? Anyway let's talk about dates. How often has this scenario happened? You'll go weeks, months, even years without a date (heck, I went 2.5 years at one stretch) then suddenly you'll get asked out. Not just by one gentleman, but two. If you're lucky, three or four, even a fifth will express interest in you. And all within the same week. Sound familiar? Why does this happen then? I'm not really sure, I have some ideas, but this happens time after time so it's not a coincidence, there's some law actively governing things here.

Don't believe me yet? Well let's move on to pets.

How does this apply you may ask? Well, think about it. You probably went 3-4 years, heck, maybe even a decade without a pet of some sort in your life. Then, you decide to get a bird. Or a dog. A small dog. Suddenly, within 3 months you have become home to a petting zoo that consists of a dog, two cats, several birds, and all the neighbors asking if you can tend THEIR animals on the weekend. After years of petlessness, you are overcome with animals. Something fishy is going on here.

What about friends? It works this way too. You'll move to a new place, or even stay in an old one, and you'll  seem to have no friends that can stand being around you. Maybe no one knows you yet, maybe all your friends are busy or can't stand the sight of you and need a break. So you'll go a month or two spending Saturday night lying on the couch and trying to eat potato chips off your chest. Then, you'll either decide you've had enough of couch crumbs or your friends will forget why they were avoiding you and contact will once again be made. You'll have something to do every night of the week, sometimes five or six things and you're swamped. How does this happen?

Here's my explanation. The Law of Everythings clumps things together so that the most action takes place on the fewest amount of days. Don't ask me why, but it's as recurrent as Newton's Law of Gravity. You'd think this law would allow events to be spread out over time so you could handle the most amount possible. Not so.

     My explanation has three parts. One, life is like a floodgate. You either shut certain aspects completely out or you become entirely waterlogged with those occurrences. This may be a trick of the mind, but once you become aware of a lack of something in your life, you open yourself up to receiving it. Not the world's fault your life floodgate only has off and full blast.
     Second, sometimes you put off some sort of aura or personal bubble that people aren't welcome in. This applies especially to Laws of the Median involving other people. You bounce people off your bubble and then one day without your conscious mind realizing it your psyche carefully flips the reverse switch. Suddenly it's like people haven't seen you before and can't get enough. This would also explain weird trends in popularity like Beiber Fever.
     Third explanation is that we suffer from the Baader-Meinhoff Phenomenon on a much larger scale than we realize. This phenomenon explains that there is tons of information in our world. Such a large scale of sensory information that our brains block quite a bit of it out to keep from being overwhelmed. But, once you notice something, like how there is an arrow between the E and the X on the FedEx trucks, you notice this everywhere. Your brain becomes sensitized to the information and you can see the other occurrences of it. This explains the other half of the phenomenon that's not people related, but more you or other thing related. It's actually a rather interesting phenomenon and I recommend reading more on that.

Anyway, the reason for this introspection is that I was offered three different options for the first two weeks of May. Once is that I'm going to watch my aunt Roberta while my Grandma goes to Israel. Two is that I was offered a rather full-time job of working with the PTC (a 6-week run that starts the end of April). Three, I was offered a volunteer opportunity to stage-manage the Farmington summer play, which starts with auditions the first week of May and would require almost full-time attention every evening until the show opened. So, I can only do one of those things adequately. I haven't had a job for three months now, and suddenly there's a possibility for three of them? All starting within 4 days of each other? Yep, that's the Law of the Everythings at work.

Think about it, and I'll bet you can identify things like this right off the bat in your life. Currently this law is quite frustrating to me, although at other times it can be awesome. Anyway, enjoy the rest of your day and see if you can find a FedEx truck just for kicks.

1 comment:

  1. We were actually sort of talking about the Baader-Meinhoff Phenomenon in my acting class today. She just called it "gestation," where you're focused on a thing and then things related start jumping at you. What I'm saying is its interesting that talking/reading about that principle seems to be bombarding me right now. Ironic. I'm a go read about it.