Here's part two of the previous blog. I have only been engaged for 6 weeks, and yet I've been exposed to some pretty terrible things people who should know better have said. Things people say to try and remind you how awful it is now that you're engaged to someone. Because, ya know, being engaged, the precursor to pledging to spend your life with someone is just so terrible and should be avoided at all costs.
So, this will probably be a mushy post, with a bit more aggressiveness than my last one. If you don't want mushy, go read about the war or something. Fair's fair though, I keep seeing all the passive aggressive posts where people whine about how everyone is getting engaged and having babies and how that's just TERRIBLE and ruining their day every time they see that. (The deeper question is, why? But that's another topic.) So, passive aggressiveness aside, here's some mushy aggressiveness about what you should really never say to engaged people. Because really, you're just trying to tear down their relationship. And that's meaner than kicking a kid's sandcastle.
You're going to have to marry that.
Well, yeah. Duh. That was kind of the whole point. Usually said when fiance does something funny or weird. This phrase tears down the person of your affections to a mere object, and that's not funny. I'm marrying a person, not a box of cereal. It also says that you're probably making a mistake, look how weird they are. I used to just laugh it off, but that's not ok anymore. Laughing it off is tantamount to agreeing with what that person just said. "Haha, yeah, I'm marrying that, poor me." Really though, what I've found works best is when you hear this phrase, you wrap your arms around your significant other, plant a big kiss on their face and say, "And I can't believe how lucky I am!" Usually people saying this are just trying to be funny, and I understand that for certain cases. Others of you though, should definitely know better.
We never get to hang out anymore, and I always feel like a third wheel.
Am I marrying you? No, get used to it. I really am trying to keep up my other relationships. I love friends, and I love going out and partying. Or at least having people over to watch movies. I know I always invite my fiance along. No he doesn't always come, but do you want me to purposely leave him out? He's my most favorite person in the whole world, so unless we specifically plan a girl's night. I'll be inviting him too. And because I'm a nice person, I'll bring along another third wheel for you to hang with. They'll even be funny and moderately good looking. This statement tries to make you feel guilty for wanting to spend time with your significant other. Why should you though? Why would I be marrying someone I didn't want to spend time with? So excuse me, but no, you can't separate us.
You're going to get all fat and have a baby.
Um, what? First off, that's none of your business. I'll get fat and have a baby if I want to. Second off, how dare you imply what you're implying. The deeper meaning behind this is that they speaker is saying, "You're going to get overweight and out of shape because you'll get married and stop caring about your appearance anymore, and then you'll have a baby and your life will be ruined." That's a pretty hurtful comment to say to someone. Babies don't ruin lives, lack of willpower and caring does. Marriage won't break my will to live. If anything, this new journey has inspired me to try and be even better. I work out more now, I've lost weight, I've taken more care with my appearance. And as far as babies go, that's still none of your business. Also, since when did my appearance become the only thing that was important to me?
You're engaged? Why'd you go and do that?
Because I wanted to, because I want to spend the rest of my life with this person to the degree that no one else measures up. This statement again implies that being engaged is not a good thing to do, that pledging to live your life with someone is akin to a ball and chain rather than a step towards freedom. Seriously, someone to always have your back, to bail you out if you need it, to cuddle with at night? Yep, why would anyone ever want to go and do that?
So there you have it. Getting engaged is a little scary, it's hard when people poke those fears so they come out from under a rock and bite you in the tush. It also forces you to face them, so perhaps these passively hurtful comments are for a greater good, ya know? Still, don't say them to my face. I'll karate-chop you with my words.