How People (Don't) React When You Get Engaged

So, you just got engaged! All the butterflies and wonderfulness are overwhelming your soul! Or you knew it was coming and you're like, FINALLY! Regardless of how you feel, your friends and relations tend to act in oddly specific, if unusual ways. There are things you'll hear over and over again, and things you'll hear only once but you'll always remember.

1. But...you're so young!
Yes, you are. But only you know your maturity level and whether or not you're ready to give up on single life and create another adventure. For me, I've been steadily dating around for 10 years, and that's a lot more experience than many people have. After that much experience, I was ready to move on. There are these posts going around bemoaning women who get engaged in their 20's, and how getting married in your 30's is the only way to go. Sure. For that person, that WAS the only way to go. Think about it this way, you've picked the right one. Now, no more worrying about whether he does or doesn't like you and what you're going to do on date night with your friends. It's a cuddle buddy for Netflix, a workout partner, a motivator for your career, a human back massage machine, saved dinners when you slept in, someone to have your back when you can't buy groceries this month, someone to obsess over and spoil rotten, and a million other things. It's honestly a good way to help you get ahead in life from a purely mercenary standpoint, and aren't they always saying that the sooner you start your career, the better? Think of marriage as one of your careers, good on ya for figuring it out! Plus, no more weird strangers awkwardly groping at your butt at dances. That was never fun, admit it.

2. Haha, get ready to join the rest of us miserable married people!
This is most often heard from guys in their 30's. These guys often have a cynical nature, are married themselves but also work jobs they are unhappy with. They also give out nuggets of gold such as..."don't ever get married," and "kids ruined my dreams". Just recognize that these ones are infinitely unhappy with some procession of choices they made or haven't taken accountability for, and don't get mad. Arguing with them will only cause them to smirk and say, "yep, I was like that too....until I was married for 5 years. Wait and see how you feel THEN!" Just smile and say, "Yep, so excited for the misery!" If they were joking, then they'll laugh. If they were serious, then they'll laugh confusedly. Ha ha ha ha?

3. The love fades so enjoy it while it lasts!
Short Answer: The love will fade if you let it fade. It's a choice yes, but it's not a difficult one. Plus, that's a really rude thing to say. Imagine getting a new outfit and saying, "Look how cute this is!" and them saying, "you'll get fat so wear it while you can!" #rude. Don't let them worry you that you'll never be more in love then you are now. Being in love and getting married is like adding layers to the onion that is your love. The center gets deeper and more secure. I'm bad at similes, but basically, how you feel now is only a shadow of how you'll feel 25 years from now. If this is the right person, then you'll be even more in love and appreciative of this person who decided to share their life with you.

Long Answer: Once I was really mad at my then-boyfriend (now fiance). Like, so mad I didn't even want to see him or want him to touch me. He had no idea what was wrong, (something about me feeling ignored, not important now) but continued to gently sit by me and let me work through my anger. I remember looking at him, REALLY looking at him and thinking how cruel I was being, especially when he didn't even know what was wrong. I suddenly felt bad, so I reached out and lightly brushed his fingers. I was immediately overwhelmed by a wave of such tenderness and protectiveness that I got mad at myself! How could I be mad at this wonderful man who was just sitting there, trying to love me through my shell? It was a defining moment in realizing that no matter what, I always wanted to be on his side, even to protect him from me and my flaws. If I can remember that feeling, then I know I will ALWAYS love him, no matter what. And if that's how I can feel after just a year of dating, then think how much that could increase in a lifetime?
In my relationship, we've had to face a lot of misconceptions about each other due to well-meaning but meddling people, so the choice to stay together was just that, a choice. It was effortless once it was made, but love is like that. It's a choice and an option, not something that just happens but then wears away like the shiny on a new penny. Once you make that choice and open that door, then you basically have this huge castle of love with new doors and additions to explore, and it never stops growing. Like I said, I'm bad at similes, however...
"Love is an open doooooooooooooorrrrrrr!"
-Frozen

4. The engagement is/was the hardest part for us! We fought so much over details, and making it to the temple was practically a race!
I just want to laugh. Being engaged is already easier than the last year and a half (and a month two years ago) of dating ever was. For me, there's a solid certainty there. We can say things we were holding back, and most of them are simply about how much we love each other and what we're now excited to do and plan. Also farting/burping. It's not a free-for-all, but not such a scary concept to accidentally let one loose (or in my case, purposely try to shake the house foundations). Seriously though, throughout us dating, I was constantly looking at the relationship, analyzing what I would have to live with if/when we got married, and whether or not it was things I could live with. I don't think I've ever scrutinized a relationship more closely, most likely because I knew this one had lifetime potential. Now that I've decided and made the commitment though, it's like a huge weight is gone. No comparisons, no sudden realizations about how I've committed to living my life with someone who loves kittens or doesn't make their bed and how that could be a mistake. Those things have already been scrutinized and came up affirmative.
And as for the making it to the temple part, this is mostly for people who decided to wait until marriage to, how shall I say, consummate? This will be different for everyone, and hopefully it's difficult (duh, you want to be attracted to each other), but you're both on the same page so it's possible. Choose an engagement length you think you can manage, and try not to torture each other too much. (I may have already crossed that line by suggesting we schedule in a few hours between wedding and reception...but the look on his face was priceless!)
It's important for us, so we're going to wait, end of story. Yes, it's difficult. Yes, it's so frustrating that sometimes I just want to scream. And then go find a dark room with lots of candles and lure him there and 'accidentally' fall in a lake so I have nothing to wear....well, you get the picture. But, there are personal reasons that we've made this choice, not just religious ones. And because I believe in this so strongly and he believes this too, then we'll wait. When you both make a non-negotiable choice, then you stick with it. And I'm a big believer in the power of choices and using those to inform your actions.

5. One of you will get sick on your honeymoon. When your immune systems clash together majorly in that way and add it to the stress of the wedding... one of you will 'win' and the other will get sick.
One of the more bizarre things I've heard. Yet to find out if this is true, but here's a bit of advice on how to deal with these comments. Take them into considerations. Tell your fiance. Laugh. Forget, if you can. If not, just laugh.
It's probably true anyway, my fiance got sick after our first major saliva-swapping session, so my bet is that he'll be the one to get sick on the honeymoon too. *fingers crossed neither of us gets sick and that we're already used to each others 'cooties'!*

6. Congratulations! It's going to be the most magical time of your life!
Well, this is mostly true. It will be magical and fantastic. You get to dress up in a princess dress, have people give you gifts and fawn over you, and plan a magical party all about you! And it will be the most magical time of your life...up to that point. There will be better things, more exciting things, and so many more adventures to take. Imagine, if you will, going on a vacation and throwing a party where there's not so many cultural and familial expectations, and where you can not worry about pleasing a single one of those nutters. Those are the parties I really look forward to. If I want to spend $2000 on a dress in the future, then I will. Really though, this is a huge rite of passage, and it's not the end of the magic, but the beginning.

7. So...what's the wedding date?!
This one is well-meaning. For people who want to come support you, it'll be important so they know when to get off work. But take a deep breath and don't let them bowl you over with suggestions and craziness. My fiance got engaged on a Thursday, had a chance to go out that Saturday and we honestly just wanted to relax, and then didn't see each other for another week due to my work/finals/conference/new kitten that all collided. We simply didn't have time to discuss a wedding date, or anything else. You may want a chance to enjoy your engagement a bit more, that's good too.

8. When are you guys planning on having kids? 
Whoa, too personal. Best response is..."we already have one, her name is Starscream! Yes, she's a cat. No, I don't understand your confusion." Or simply, "When we're ready!" That's super personal, on the level of asking, "When ya'll gonna be procreating?" No one should be asking that, so if they do, just have a snappy comeback memorized.

9. Do you think you're actually ready for this?
No, you're not ready. No one is. My fiance and I have a strategy. If we get overwhelmed or someone asks this question, we just throw up our hands and say, "Well I've never done this before so nope!" Good for a laugh and it's true, you're not ready for it. You never are ready for a huge change completely, but you will adapt and rise to the occasion. That's part of the excitement, don't you think?

Eyebrows, or Lack Thereof

So I decided that I was going to get my eyebrows waxed a month ago. I'd never had it done and the girls who did get theirs waxed always looked so polished and gorgeous. So, I took an empty slot with a friend who is going through beauty school. My hair had been quite dry lately due to suddenly deciding to dye it dark and then strip all the color back out, so I also went for a deep conditioning treatment.

The hair treatment was wonderful, I felt like a freaking movie star. I got my hair washed and treated and styled, it was so lovely and my hair could now be the envy of a supermodel mermaid. Look them up, they do exist. Plus I was taught a new way to style my bangs. Life could not be better on that front. On the other side of my head though, it was a different story.

First, the soothing warm wax was applied, and then she gently, if quite firmly, ripped up half my eyebrow hair.
"Dear Lord what have I done?!?!?!!!"
Let me give you a little background. Up until this point I had thought that I had slightly patchy, if rather nice brows. The right one was a little stubby but my brows were nothing to sneeze at. With the new polished but thick brow fashion hitting a high point, I thought a little polishing would slide me right to brow fame. How wrong was I.

Looking at the aftermath in the mirror it wasn't too terrible. A little redness, especially just under the brow, mostly nice shape. A little thin but I could deal. My unfortunately stubby right brow though was now much stubbier. Also my eyebrows seemed farther apart than normal. I didn't understand how, "Oh, now they match perfectly" translated into one long and one short brow. The worst was yet to come though.

That night the area underneath my eyebrows was still rather red, especially in two strips basically right in the middle of the area between the lid and the brow. I applied a cold washcloth, a little neosporin and went to bed. Ah, the last night of lovely dreams. In the morning, two angry red strips stared back at me like second eyebrows that would have looked better on Satan. Apparently my lovely, learning friend had waxed the skin right off, putting me into slight abrasion mode.

So for the next week I fielded questions about my poor eyebrows and dealt with the weird peeling and redness as best I could. My eyebrows looked a little strange but with asymmetrical bangs the asymmetrical brows were not noticeable.

After such a debacle you'd think I would go to a different stylist or at least forgo the brow waxing again. That's where you would be wrong my friend. Four weeks later I decided to repeat the experience.

I thought I would be smart though and said, "please just clean them up, no shaping this time." From what I had read on the internets, this would direct my stylist to remove the weird loose hairs between my eyes and wherever else weird loose hairs grow. On your face. Around your brows. Specifically weird loose brow hairs. Ha, I did not know the enthusiasm that medium-thick, partially regrown brows could release in young stylists.

She showed me the mirror and I nearly screamed "Holy Castiel what are those things?!!!" I now had one upside-down Nike symbol and one kind of nice but definitely shorter and thinner caterpillar. The worst part was, those familiar red second brows were back. I very nicely instead decided to concentrate on what she was doing to my hair. She did a fabulous job, if not for my eyebrows I would have been the the most gorgeous girl in leggings walking down the streets between 5th and 6th south that day. As it was, I couldn't tell if the stares were for my hair, my uneven brows, my second angry brows, or my voluptuous booty. Hey, you're the internet, you can imagine me having a gorgeous booty.

When later close looks in the mirror showed that in certain light my eyes looked bald, (thanks blonde ancestors), I freaked out. Frantic searches of the internet revealed that it could take 2-3 months for full regrowth, and that only expensive brow pencils would fix them to look something close to normal. Asymmetrical bangs could also come to the rescue as well. The stupid second eyebrows were also dramatically different. At least one wasn't as bad as the other. The worse one though was twice as red. Pathetic, I know. I vow though, to never get my brows waxed again. Did just fine on my own with tweezing before, don't need it now. My poor eyebrows.

If you see Satan, please tell him I found his brows. They are on my face. Also if you know anything about eyebrow wigs...let's just say I might be interested.

Night Shifts and Loneliness

So it's been a while since I've posted with any regularity. I could cite business, but that's the excuse that everyone uses. So, let's see. I've moved to a new apartment, begun new dance classes, am working on a promotion at work, and am faced with hours and hours of nighttime awakeness.

It's really lonely being awake while everyone else is asleep. You have all this time to think and do things,..but only if you do them by yourself. No classes at night, no texting conversations or even phone conversations, no shopping at the mall. You have to prepare everything in those few hours while you're awake and the world is still awake. It's really lonely, and I'm ready for a change.

7 months of this nighttime job has now officially changed my internal clock to wanting to sleep between 8am and 4pm. It's annoying because I have all this time to be awake and I mostly just want to be talking to people. You know, visiting with family, hanging with friends, and especially being with my boyfriend. You can't do that though during the wee hours of the morning. You can only work on personal projects, like Netflix.

I guess in a word, I'm lonely. Wish I didn't have all these empty hours to fill.

48 Hours Without Sleep

"People die in bed, get up!"
-Grandpa Capron

Sleep is for those who can afford it. Ever tried to stay awake for 2 days straight? I did! Because I'm still amped on all the extra cortisol my brain produced, here is a chronicle of how it feels to do such ridiculous stuff as not sleep. I will say I have truly felt each moment, and am not eager to repeat said experience.

Hour 1: Still waking up, sleepy and comfy. It is 2 in the afternoon, my normal wake-up time.

Hour 2: Gym clothes on, head out the door for a run

Hour 3: Tired but triumphant, I just ran 5 miles!

Hour 10: First real wave of tired hits me as that run on top of work kicks in. It's 11pm and I've still got 8 hours of work left to go. Its ok, plenty of energy still!

Hour 15: 4a.m., I'm never going to make it, my head screams to be laid down. Can't yet. I shake it off and get on with life.

Hour 18: Finally off work, no rest yet though. Due to my apartment burning up on Friday and the subsequent investigation, now is the only time I am allowed to go get stuff. I park in the parking lot and try to drift off. Amid the chattering of teeth and alternate car warming, it is impossible to catch any sort of nap. This is when I realize that I promised my Boyfriend Id go to lunch with him in a mere 6 hours. Oh joy.

Hour 23: I have waited in the cold, cleaned out my kitchen stuff and clothes from a smoke filled apartment, loaded my car, driven to Grandma's house, unloaded, showered, confirmed lunch plans, and am now driving to my boyfriend s house. Now that its light outside I'm having an easy time staying awake. No repercussions from lack of sleep yet!

Hour 27: My head now has a definite pounding, and my eyes seem to be buzzing. I refused to give up on the date though, because I hardly ever get to see my guy. Oh well, time to get ready for work. Again.

Hour 28: 6pm and time to pound a chai tea for that burst of energy

Hour 34: caffeine gone, it is now midnight and I hurt.

Hour 35: Diarrhea. What did I eat? Does lack of sleep do this? Why must you betray me body?

Hour 36: Still nauseous, although that may be a side effect of cleaning up lots of poop. I can do this though, I'm focused now.

Hour 38: Why....why at 4a.m. does my head spin? My coworkers all are zombies too though, so it's not that unusual.

Hour 39: just focusing on work.....

Hour 41: Done with work! Time to drive straight home, well, to the place that I have a bed, and go to sleep!

Hour 41.5: This car drive is killer. Wasn't there a study about how lack of sleep makes you look like you're driving drunk? Uh oh, I decide to turn up the tunes in the car so that it will overstimulate my ear canals. It works and I make it home.

Hour 42: Sweet, sweet bliss of bedtime. I love the soft bed, soft covers, and soft place to sleep...there are springs poking me in the ribs, but whatever, it's bed! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz



So there you have it. Lots of headaches it took me about 2 days to get over being that tired. Um, not going to try that again anytime soon.

If You Actually Read This...

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I'm Getting a Second Job

Here's a typical Thursday or Friday evening for me.

Me: Hmmm, I want to go out this weekend, tired of staying in...let's see who wants to hang out!

Me: *Calls boyfriend* Hey handsome, doing anything Saturday night?
Boyfriend: Yeah, I've got this super cool acting thing all day, and then my family is all going swimming!
Me: That sounds fun!
Boyfriend: I know, it'll be super great!
Me:....so...Saturday?
Boyfriend: I'm busy then, but talk to ya later for sure!

Me: *texts Social Girl* I'm thinking girls night Saturday, what do you think?
Social Girl: Sorry, I can't, I've got tons of work gibberish to finish.
Me: Hey that's cool, I understand. Maybe next time?
Social Girl: Maybe, having a real job is so hard! You're so lucky your job isn't as real as mine.
Me: Haha...ha....ah....yeah.

Me: *calls best girl friend* Hey bestie, wanna hang on Saturday?
Bestie: Um...I live in Florida...
Me: Oh, yeah I forgot...

Me: *texts Purple-Hair Girl* You, me, horror movie, Saturday night. Whaddaya think?
Purple-Haired Girl: Got a hipster concert to go to with all of my similarly styled friends that night, but thanks for asking!
Me: I was thinking of dying my hair pink. No prob, have fun!

Me: *Texts Work Friend* Hey, want to grab dinner Saturday?
Work Friend: Why are you texting me?

Me: *posts on Facebook* I think I'm going to see New Popular Movie on Saturday, anyone want to come?
Facebook:
Facebook: *Friend/s that lives in Wyoming/Florida/Europe/The Moon/Provo* Would totes come if I lived closer!

Me: *calls mom*
Mom: You have reached the voice mailbox of-
Me: *hangs up*

Me: *group Snapchats everyone who is socially acceptable to do so.* (Insert puppy-dog eyes picture) Anyone want to hang Saturday? Fun stuff planned!
Snapchat: You have no new updates.

Me: *texts Weird Stalker Friend* I'm super bored, wanna go do something?
Weird Stalker Friend: Don't you have a boyfriend?
Me:....


So...guess who's getting a second job?

Chiggers versus Sunburn

How is a sunburn like a chigger? Let me explain.

Recently I received a large-scale sunburn over, well, an unfortunate amount of skin. Really any amount of sunburn is unfortunate,  however this one was particularly unfortunate as it involved all of my limbs with special concentration on my shoulderblades and upper legs. Really it just made it so I couldn't lay down with any sort of comfort. I either had to lie on my stomach and endure burning from my legs, or on my back and endure pain radiating from my shoulders. Fast forward one week, and all that crispy skin is peeling off nicely...and itching like Fred and George spread itching powder over every item of clothing I own. I seriously don't remember ever itching this badly in my life except for the one summer I was 9...

Do you know what a chigger is? I sure do. It's this microscopic little red devil of itchiness. It bites you and burrows into the skin, creating a Mt. Kilimanjaro of discomfort. The only way to get rid of the itching is to kill the suckers while they sleep (as they are related to the tick family, they stay in the skin, itching and itching and itching and itching...for at least two weeks). The only way to do that is to paint your skin with nail polish. Clear is the best, mostly because you look the least weird wearing it. You can use any color, simply paint all your welts with the polish of your choice and that will cease the itching...eventually...takes a day or two.

So, one summer I was 9 years old. Most of us had a summer like that. I mean, you can read now, and are reading this, so you obviously were 9 at one point in your life.

Anyway, I was 9, and for some reason I decided to sit in the tall grass outside my Nebraska home while wearing calf-high socks, elastic waist-banded pants, and several hair-ties around one wrist. Did I mention that chiggers love to bite underneath tight-fitting clothing? Especially sock and underwear lines?

That evening I couldn't rest for the amount of itching. The only nail polish my mother could find was blue, all the clear had been depleted on my several younger siblings and the unfortunate neighbors. She painted me up so I looked like an unfortunate half-smurf, then I laid in bed trying desperately not to gouge chunks of skin from my calves.

That's what this summer reminds me of. A tingling under the skin that begins as a slight tickle. You think that if you ignore it, it'll go away. It's only the vaguest of feelings after all. However, it starts to increase. It gets worse until the tickle has become practically a fester. Your skin is jumping with effort to keep still. You can't think about anything else but how much you itch. All you want to do is drag your fingernails deeply through the pestilence that has now set your skin aflame. Nothing else will satisfy this strange itching and jumping coursing through your skin. The itching is there, it has always been there, and you will always itch.

So, chiggers versus sunburn. I think chiggers win, but sunburn comes in at a close second. You can avoid sunburn after all, and chiggers...well. Let's just say chiggers are the spawn of Satan sent to destroy your sanity through itching.

And now, how many of you itch after reading this? You're welcome.