Sunday, August 25, 2013

Randomest Date Ever

So I went on a date the other day. I tend to go on those occasionally, especially considering that I do some of the asking. This date turned out to be one of the more exciting and unusual ones I've been on for awhile, so I thought I'd relate the particular occasion.

My date on this particular occasion was a guy I've known for some time, who happens to be a snappy dresser with a flair for detail, tending towards 1920's. You know, a red belt here, fingerless gloves there, suit jacket with an asymmetrical seam to set it apart from the others, that sort of thing. I promise this plays into the story. So my date, let's call him Snappy 1920's Man, showed up wearing a black button-up shirt, dark semi-skinny jeans, and a red punk belt with black sneakers. He looked pretty awesome, not gonna lie.

We went to a scary movie because despite the angelic features of Snow Angel, she does tend towards the dark and gruesome on occasion. The movie was excellent, as was the reactions of the audience and Snow Angel's date (Yup, gonna be in third person, deal with it :) and afterwards it was still early enough that we weren't quite ready go home. So, my date turns to me and asks;

SNAPPY 1920's MAN: So, you know that really creepy staircase in the movie?


SNAPPY 1920's MAN: I know a place that's got a staircase that's at least 3 times as creepy as that one.

SNOW ANGEL: Oh really? Is this place hypothetical or real?

SNAPPY 1920's MAN: Oh it's real, it's out back of my best friend's house in this awesome old barn I used to play in all the time.


SNAPPY 1920's MAN: Do you want to see it?

SNOW ANGEL: ...Uh, yeah!

And off we go to find this old barn with the presumably creepy staircase. This date has suddenly taken the most interesting turn of pretty much any date that I have ever been on. That's saying something, because in the last summer I've been taken to a trampoline park, ziplining, and a few pretty crazy concerts. Some part of my brain was wondering at how intelligent I was being to agree to go to a deserted old barn in practically the middle of the night for a first date, but the adventurous side was like Cool! Let's do it! Woot!

Upon arrival at the path to the old barn (whose location shall remain secret), 1920's Man decided that Snow Angel needed a piggy back ride into the barn to save her shoes, which were flimsy lace flats, not at all appropriate for exploring an old barn at night. He gallantly carried me through the high grass and then, seemingly in a clearing, set me down.

SNAPPY 1920's MAN: We're here.

SNOW ANGEL: Here? Is this the barn?

SNAPPY 1920's MAN: Oh yeah, it's just dark (turns on a flashlight, revealing a huge old 1800's barn that has suddenly materialized around us.)

SNOW ANGEL: Whoa! This is awesome!

SNAPPY 1920's MAN: Watch out for the holes in the floor, I've put my foot through it a few times. (Points out two smaller holes that are approximately foot-sized)

SNOW ANGEL: ...Okay.

We poke around for a bit, looking at hay and owl droppings and holes in the ceiling, probably the coolest and creepiest place I've ever seen. The wind rubbed the tree branches against the roof making the neatest creaking sounds I've ever heard. I'd use this place for recording sound bites for a scary movie if I ever choose to make one.

My brain had kind of deserted me at that point. After midnight my conversation either becomes honest to the point of bluntness or even rudeness, or stops working altogether. At this point it was supplying comments such as, 'This place is so awesome!' or 'Did you ever spend the night here?'... Most intelligent comments ever spoken on a date, I know. So, what happened next completely discombobulated me.

SNAPPY 1920's MAN: Want to go see the staircase now?


*Enormous cracking and creaking sound erupts from the floor*

SNAPPY 1920's MAN: *Plummets through floor*

SNOW ANGEL: Whaaa!?!?!?

Luckily my date did not fall completely through, thus sparing me from having to call 911. We did finish the date without further mishap, although I did receive this humorous text from him after getting dropped off at home.

TEXT: Sad day, get home, get ready to clean my pants and the Entire crotch is ripped haha.. Buh bye pants

I practically woke the house up laughing, and that finished off the best/most adventurous/scary date ever.

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